Pride Angel

I’m Adam and currently working on the second series of the prime time show Don’t Just Stand There….I’m Having Your baby which airs on BBC3 at 9pm. Last series, first time Dads-to-be were shown how to be more supportive during their partner’s pregnancy and during the birth itself.

In one to one sessions with a fully trained midwife, the Dads were taught about many aspects of pregnancy and labour including cervical dilation, pain relief, massage, breathing techniques and birthing positions.

They were also given practical home work like wearing an empathy belly, looking after a robotic baby and watching a birthing video. We wanted to help him become the perfect birthing partner for Mum and make the whole experience more positive than petrifying!

Last year we worked closely with the Royal College of Midwives in the making of this series and they were very pleased with the result. The first series was very successful and the Dads we filmed found the experience both positive and rewarding as they became more equipped to deal with the arrival of their little ones.

This series we would love to meet and speak with gay and lesbian couples who are currently on the journey into parenthood. I would really like to hear your story and find out, as a first time parent, what this means to you and also how we could help.

If you have any questions and fancy a chat about the series please feel free to call me on 0208 008 4901 or email me on adam.lonergan@bbc.co.uk. Thanks for your time and hopefully speak soon. Adam.

Article: 21st May 2013 www.prideangel.com

Gay or lesbian? want to have a baby? find your donor or co-parent at www.prideangel.com

When I met Caitlin in January 2010 I couldn’t help but fall for her. She was originally from Scotland and her charm and the way she made me feel so special and the only girl in the world was immense! She already had 2 sons, Brett and Ashton whom she had via a clinic by artificial insemination. This cost her a fortune but she wanted to be a mother so much.

We became inseparable and moved in together in March 2010. The boys became like my own, they didn’t get on with Caitlin’s ex and their father was an anonymous donor. They called me mum from months into us all living together. In August 2011 we had our civil ceremony with our closest family and friends...I felt the happiest girl alive!

Thinking back I had an extreme urge to have a baby of my own from around October 2011. The feeling was so strong and I told Caitlin that it was time to look at the options available to us. We found the Pride Angel site in December 2011 and spent hours trawling the sperm donors on the site and looking at information about how to do 'home insemination'. Caitlin had always found the insemination at the clinic too 'clinical' so we decided to try ourselves. We found an ideal sperm donor and after a few messages back and forth decided that we really wanted him to help us.

I felt uncertain about meeting our potential donor but Caitlin arranged to meet him to find out more. He was a kind, caring and genuine man. His sister had problems conceiving and therefore he wanted to help those people who can’t have children themselves. He told us to let him know as soon as we knew when I was ovulating and we could arrange to meet him for the sperm donation. I bought the deluxe home insemination kit, we did a few tests runs before the big day.

I used ovulation sticks to monitor my most fertile days and it was whilst we were away at a family resort (on our last day there luckily!) that we got the smiley face and I was ovulating! We contacted our donor straight away and arranged to collect the sample.

That evening we used the speculum, syringe and syringe extenders. We bought a special lubricant which helped the sperm live longer and move quicker. It was so tense at first, we couldn’t quite believe how far we had come since we first met. We managed to relax in the comfort of our own home, surrounded by candles and a few cheeky drinks :) After the insemination I lay with my bottom in the air against the wall for 20 minutes. I climaxed twice, legs still up the wall. (this is advised as gentle contractions in your uterus can help the sperm along into the cervix)

The 2 week wait was horrendous. I went through a rollercoaster of emotions... sad, angry, excited, worried...
On the day of my due period Caitlin was worried about me, we were both so stressed and just needed to know the outcome. So... we did a test. There was one dark line across the test instantly and we needed a vertical line for a positive. Caitlin wouldn’t let me see it until the full 3 minutes was up!

As we uncovered the test after 3 minutes Caitlin had a massive grin across her face. She had snuck a peek just before. There was a line making a cross = positive. We could not believe it. After one attempt we were pregnant!! I screamed my head off and Brett and Ashton rushed in, we told them and tears streamed down their faces. I could barely breathe and couldn’t believe it. The day after we did further tests just to make sure...all positive.

I am now 4 weeks pregnant and couldn’t be happier. We are already buying baby stuff and making plans for our new arrival! We would always recommend the Pride Angel insemination kits. We believe the syringe extenders were vital in getting the sperm in exactly the right place.

Thank you Pride Angel!! We will keep you updated on the progress of our baby bean.

Winning article: by Rachel and Caitlin 15th July 2012

Do you have a personal story to tell us about your journey towards parenthood? then contact us at Pride Angel.

QX Magazine is looking for gay couples who have become parents through Pride Angel to talk about their experiences in a feature about gay parenting. Although they are a magazine predominately targeted at homosexual men they would welcome lesbian couples to reply as well, given that this seems to be a widespread issue affecting all gay people. They would also like to talk to gay male sperm donors who have had children with lesbian couples and retain some modicum of parenting contact.

If you are willing to take part then we will send over a brief interview via email. QX magazine are basically looking to assess how easy you find it to be a gay parent in Britain in 2011 and whether you have ever encountered any prejudice from other parents? What was it like making the decision to have a child and how easy was the procedure of going about it? Any other issues you think we should be aware of we'd be grateful to hear about.

Please contact us at Pride Angel for more information.

Would you like to take part in some cutting edge, exciting new research?

Emilie Garvey, an undergraduate Sociology student at Newcastle University, is interested in hearing from lesbian and gay individuals and couples to take part in an exciting project in a new and expanding area of research: Assisted Reproduction and the Alternative Family. The aim of the study is to explore the experiences of same-sex couples in their decision-making processes involved in starting a family of their own with the aid of assisted reproduction technologies. The study also welcomes participation from gay and lesbian individuals who might start a family in the future or who simply would like to offer an opinion or point of view for the research.

Why is the study being done?

Recent changes in legislation have widened the options available for same-sex couples who wish to start a family. Media portrayals of celebrity couples undergoing such processes have also recently increased public awareness of the decision making process, the social stigma that such couples might have to face and have offered a chance to ‘look inside’ the ‘Alternative Family’. This study, however, aims to research the decision making processes involved prior to, and throughout, the process. The researcher also hopes gain an in depth understanding of the obstacles and hurdles which affect same-sex couples in the UK who wish to have a family of their own.

Am I eligible to take part?

If you are a lesbian woman or gay man, single, in a relationship or in a civil partnership, who have experience of assisted reproduction in starting a family, or who would simply like to offer the researcher an opinion on the issues involved, you are eligible to take part in this study.

What does taking part involve?

Choosing to take part in this study would involve you answering a short questionnaire, which the researcher will send to you via email. You can choose to answer any or all of the questions. Alternatively, if you simply wish to offer the researcher some opinions or stories of experiences, this is also greatly appreciated. All participants’ identity will be kept anonymous, all names will be assigned pseudonyms in the discussion of data collected and all data will be kept securely and password protected at all times. As a participant you have the right to withdraw your participation from the study at any time.

What will happen to the finding of the research?

The findings of the research will be written up and submitted as part of an undergraduate dissertation to Newcastle University. They will be read by two examiners at Newcastle University and also be made available to participants of the study who would like to see the complete study are welcome to request a copy from the researcher.

Please contact us for further information or for the questionnaire to be sent to you, any assistance is much appreciated.
Click here to order your questionnaire

Zach Wahls a 19-year-old University of Iowa engineering student defended gay marriage in a rousing testimony in front of the Iowa House of Representatives this month. Zack Wahls spoke out against a resolution which would end civil unions in Iowa by describing his own experience as the son of two lesbian partners.

"Our family really isn't so different from any other Iowa family," said Wahls. "When I am home, we go to church together, we eat dinner, we go on vacations."

Wahls emphasized the typical nature of his upbringing, as well as his own success. He is an Eagle Scout and a small business owner. He also scored in the 99th percentile on the ACT. "If I was your son, Mr. Chairman, I believe I would make you very proud," he said.

A sixth-generation Iowan, Wahls finished his testimony on an impassioned note. "In my 19 years not once have I ever been confronted by an individual who realized independently that I was raised by a gay couple," he said. "And you know why? Because the sexual orientation of my parents has had zero effect on the content of my character."

Wahls had previously written about the issue in the University of Iowa's student newspaper:

Last fall, I had the opportunity, courtesy of Iowa Public Radio's "The Exchange," to talk with a Tea Partier about this very topic. When I mentioned that two lesbian women raised me, her face turned to shock and then concern. She asked if I ever had yearning to meet my father — an anonymous sperm donor.

My answer was — and remains — "no." And no, I don't feel damaged or that my childhood was somehow scarred. Maybe I have, in some way undetectable to me, been permanently harmed by having two moms. I guess I can't be sure.

Watch Zach Wahls's inspirational speach on youtube

Article: 11th February 2011 huffingtonpost.com

Read more about gay and lesbian parenting at www.prideangel.com

With the recent good news that Elton John and David Furnish are celebrating the birth of their baby son, it brings to the attention same-sex families and how children who grow up to become young adults view their gay family upbringing.

Research has shown that same-sex parenting does not affect a child’s self esteem or well being, although it would be lovely to hear first hand, about people’s views and experiences. We would love to hear any feedback from any older children, young adults or adults regarding their views about how it has felt growing up as part of a gay family, the ups and downs or reactions from friends or family.

The Telegraph would like to run a news article about this subject area and would like any help regarding the views of adults raised by same-sex parents. They would treat any information received in a confidential and sensitive manner.

If you are able to help in any way, please contact Erika at Pride Angel for further information.

A lesbian couple who had conceived a child together through donor insemination at a UK clinic recently ended up in the High Court after their relationship broke down. Their dispute involved a ten-year-old child, and the issue was whether the non-birth mother (who the court had already given legal decision-making status as a parent) should be ordered to make financial provision for her child.

The story itself of course isn't that unusual - parents separate and divorce all the time and many end up in court arguing over contact or finances. What makes this case interesting is the family was created through fertility treatment and the partner pursued for maintenance was not the biological mother.

The court had to ask whether the lesbian non-birth mother was legally a 'parent' and - specifically - whether her full hands-on parenting involvement in her child's life was enough to make her financially responsible, even though she was not the biological mother.

The answer seems pretty straightforward from a moral perspective. The non-birth mother had been fully involved in her child's care and upbringing, had regular contact with her child, and had successfully (and not long before) applied to court for joint residence and parental responsibility. The law recognised her as a parent for the purposes of decision making and there was no legal father since the child was conceived with anonymous donor sperm.

The child would have only one parent (the birth mother) and considerably less financial security if the non-birth mother was not financially responsible. As the birth mother's lawyers argued in court, it would be 'grotesque' for the court to decide the non-birth mother should not have to maintain a child she had helped bring into the world and was actively parenting.

The law is not always fair. The rules on financial responsibility say explicitly only a legal 'parent' can be ordered to pay. These rules are more black and white than those on matters of contact and parental decision-making, where the family courts often have discretion to act in the best interests of a child.

The High Court ultimately decided it had no power to make the non-birth mother financially responsible, because she was not a biological parent nor otherwise a parent-by-law (she had not, for example, adopted the child). The courts' powers could be invoked to protect her contact and relationship with her child, but not to hold her financially responsible.

One peculiarity of the case is the non-birth mother would have full legal and financial responsibility if she was a man. Since 1991, the law has made special provision for fathers who conceive with donor sperm. They have the same rights and responsibilities as any other father, provided they are married or undergo fertility treatment with their partner. The law is designed to ensure fathers gain full status and recognition as parents, and to prevent them evading their financial responsibilities.

The same is now true for lesbian partners, but only for children conceived after April 2009. There was much fuss in 2008 when Parliament debated new legal rights for lesbian parents. Certain people said enabling a non-birth mother to be named on a birth certificate made it a statement of fiction not a record of fact, and was just political correctness. Yet this change made non-birth mothers legally and financially responsible for their children.

What this case shows is how important those legal changes are, not just for lesbian parents, but for their children. Birth certificates are not merely a record of biology, but are important documents which record legal parenthood status and responsibility. The changes to the law giving lesbian couples joint parenthood from conception benefit children, because they give them two parents who can be held legally accountable where they would previously have one.

The changes were not, however, retrospective. The children of lesbian couples conceived before April 2009 - like the child in this case - may continue to have a parent without legal status and responsibility, unless the family takes positive action to secure their legal position (which can be done through adoption).

It is a shame for this family that it took so long for the law to recognise not all parents through sperm donation are heterosexual and recent improvements only apply prospectively. Looking forwards, we should celebrate our modern fertility laws and their recognition of diverse modern families. We may be leading the world in allowing two mothers to be named on a birth certificate but, as this case shows, it ensures that children are better protected.

Article: by Natalie Gamble, Partner at Gamble and Ghevaert LLP www.gambleandghevaert.com

Lesbian? looking for a sperm donor or co-parent? visit www.prideangel.com

Lily-May Woods is barely three weeks old and already the circumstances of her birth have provoked curiosity. 'How did you two make a baby?' asked the bemused five-year-old boy who lives next door to the lesbian couple who are Lily-May's parents. 'I said that we went to a special clinic which helped us,' explains Natalie Woods, who is genetic mum to Lily-May. Similar questions will doubtless occur to her daughter as she grows up minus a father, but with two mothers.

Natalie, 38, and her partner Betty Knowles, 47, who live in a neat terrace house in Brighton, will be known as Mummy and Mama B. The couple made legal history this week, as they are thought to be the first same-sex parents in Britain to jointly sign their child's birth certificate. Under the provisions of the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Act 2008, which came into effect at the beginning of April last year, partners in same-sex relationships are now given equal status as parents. This means that in the box on the birth certificate traditionally reserved for a father's name, Betty's appeared. She was designated 'parent', while Natalie, who became pregnant through an anonymous sperm donor, is listed as 'mother'. 'I feel it's very important, both for my sake and our daughter's, that I'm recognised as a legal parent to Lily-May,' says Betty.

And the Act allows her to assume her parental responsibilities officially, with minimal fuss. Before, she would have had to go to court or would have faced the convoluted process of adopting Lily-May to have the legal status of a mother. 'We would have made sure Betty had parental rights and responsibilities either by seeking them through the courts or by adoption,' says Natalie. 'But as the law stands now it's very straightforward. 'We just had to sign a couple of consent forms that said we were entering into parenthood together. After that, it was simply a matter of us both signing the birth certificate.'

So, at the stroke of a pen, Betty assumed the title 'parent' and all reference to a father was erased. Which begs the question: how do Natalie and Betty justify their decision to bring up their adored baby daughter without a dad? They say they have addressed the issue between themselves exhaustively, and as Natalie points out: 'Even before the law changed, we wouldn't have been putting a father's name on the birth certificate, because we made the decision to use an anonymous sperm donor.

'A lot of lesbian couples choose to use a donor who is known to them. He would then be, technically under the law, the father. If he is also playing a role in the child's upbringing, I believe his name should be on the birth certificate. 'We talked about that, but decided not to use a known donor, mostly because there was no one in our lives who we considered suitable. 'Besides, you have to be really careful about the agreement you make with the man you use, so that everyone understands their role in the child's life, and we decided an anonymous donor would make it far less legally complex for Betty to assume her parental status.' But what of Lily-May? How will she fare without a father? It is the issue that exercises Christian groups and campaigners for traditional family values, and one every single-sex couple or lone mother must address.

'We decided to have a child without a dad, we can't deny that, but I don't think it's wrong,' says Natalie bluntly. 'There are plenty of kids brought up in both gay and straight families without dads. 'There are single mums; families where fathers have left; families where the dad has died - there are now so many different types of family out there and people should respect this diversity. We just have a different kind of "normality".'

It's different, not to say groundbreaking, given the historic nature of their daughter's birth certificate. 'I know people may criticise us for choosing to have a child without a dad, but for us, gender and sexuality are not what is most important. The most vital thing is to raise a child in a loving, stable home with the right moral values, whether it be with two mums, two dads, just one mum or one dad.' Natalie's justification is fraught with personal significance for a very particular reason: her Roman Catholic parents are estranged from her because of her sexuality. 'They are very disapproving of the fact that I'm gay,' she says. 'So there has been no contact with them since before Lily-May's birth. It's a great shame because they are losing out on a relationship with their new granddaughter.'

Natalie grew up, the middle of three daughters, in Manchester, but declines to talk further about her family, or the rift that has fractured it. She is a former nurse who has also worked with children in local authority residential care - an experience which has made her sharply aware of the damaging effect of abuse and neglect on children. 'There are lots of dads who don't do a great job raising their kids,' she says. 'In my profession I've seen quite a few of life's horror stories, and I know that Lily- May is going to get much more care and love than so many children in "normal" homes.'

Natalie, who manages a lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender helpline while also working as a private counsellor specialising in fertility issues, is certainly eloquently well-informed on the subject of family diversity. But have they reflected on the impact of their partnership on their daughter as she grows up? They say they have considered every kind of question Lily-May might ask as she grows from childhood to adolescence - and nothing will be hidden from her.

'We will tell her how special she is and how much we wanted her,' explains Natalie. 'And we'll talk to her in a way that is appropriate to her age. 'Ultimately, it's about being honest and raising her in a way that allows communication.' But what will Lily-May's two mums say when their little girl asks why she hasn't got a dad? 'It's hard to say exactly what words we'll use,' concedes Natalie, 'But I think we'll tell her that all families are different; that we love each other very much and that we really wanted her, so we got some help from a clinic to have her. 'And we'll explain that's why she hasn't got a dad but has two mums instead.

Read more: www.dailymail.co.uk