Pride Angel

egg donor who waited 19 years to see the twins she helped create has spoken of her joy at finally meeting them. And the woman who relied on the donated eggs to have children says 'she gave me my life back'. Sylvia Barr had a son from a sperm donor, and decided to donate her eggs in order to give someone else the same joy.

But when she read in the Daily Mail about Joan Isherwood, whose twins were born by an anonymous egg donation, Mrs Barr realised that she was the biological mother. And last night a BBC documentary showed the first meeting between Mrs Barr, Mrs Isherwood and their children.

The extraordinary story will contribute to the debate over the right of children born from donors to know the identity of their biological parents, a right enshrined in law since 2005.

Mrs Barr discovered that twins Katherine and Jonathan were her biological children after reading about Mrs Isherwood, and seeing her on TV discussing the death of her sons David, four, and Andrew, nine, killed in a terrible car crash which left her unable to conceive.

But she waited until the twins turned 18 before trying to contact them. Happily, they and their mother jumped at the chance to meet Mrs Barr 'I was very nervous, I didn't know what to expect,' she told the Daily Telegraph. 'There is no etiquette or protocol for such a thing but Joan came straight towards me and gave me a hug.

'It was surreal: I was looking into the eyes of my genetic children.' Mrs Barr made the decision to donate her eggs soon after the birth of son Eliott, now 20. She says that it was a struggle not to contact Katherine and Jonathan after she had discovered their identity.

'If I had lived nearer I would probably have gone and sat at the end of their road just to see them,' she said. Mrs Isherwood, of Warrington in Cheshire, said that the new family link was unexpected but welcome. 'We were told it was a totally anonymous decision and as far as I was concerned that was the end of it,' she told BBC Breakfast.

'But I often used to wonder because not only did Sylvia help to create the twins but she actually gave me my life back because I felt as though my life had been destroyed.' She added: 'I was so grateful to be given the chance to create a second family that had I met Sylvia on the day she donated the eggs I would have been absolutely thrilled.'

Mrs Barr, of Brockham, Surrey, one of the UK's first anonymous egg donors, said she had discovered the identity of her recipient 'early on' and had been keen to get in contact with the family. She had done so after 'tactful and sensitive' help from the charity UK DonorLink, she said. The charity forwarded her letters to the Isherwoods, and she received an email from Jonathan just half an hour after the family heard from her.

She told the documentary, Donor Mum: The Children I've Never Met, that there had been a 'stark decrease' in the number of egg and sperm donors coming forward since the law giving anonymity to donors was lifted. 'I would say that it is evident from our experience that it can work and you can have a relationship and that people do not need to be threatened by it,' she said.

'There is a connection there, it is undeniable and I do not see anything wrong with it, everybody has their own opinion, but I feel it has been good, it has been a positive for all of us. 'It has got to have been positive for the twins to know that missing piece of their jigsaw.'

Article: 31st August 2011 www.dailymail.co.uk

Can you help someone by donating eggs? Donate eggs by personal arrangement to a couple of your choice at www.prideangel.com

Documentary about about egg donors and sperm donors making contact with their genetic children. 'Donor Mum' can be seen tomorrow: BBC1 10.35pm Tuesday 30th August.

In 1991, Sylvia was one of Britain's first anonymous egg donors. After donating as a one-off at the London Fertility Centre in Harley Street, all she asked to know was whether her donation had been successful. But she soon found out more than she had bargained for.

Sylvia was struck to discover an article in the Daily Mail six weeks after she donated, telling the story of a woman called Joan who had successfully become pregnant using en egg donor. The clinic, the dates and the fact that they were twins, coincided exactly with Sylvia's story. She felt sure that Joan was her recipient.

Joan had a tragic story - her two boys were killed in a car crash when they were on holiday in Crete, and in her mid- 40's she desperately wanted to start another family. When she successfully used an egg donor, there were countless press reports that covered her moving story of tragedy transformed into happiness, and even a BBC documentary in 1994 that showed the twins as toddlers.

Sylvia felt tormented by seeing children who were genetically hers, but were in fact strangers who she wasn't supposed to know. She was tempted to make contact, but terrified of upsetting a family who had already suffered so much. But once the twins turned 18 she felt it was right to take the bold step of contacting them.

Alongside Sylvia's story is the story of her son Eliott. Sylvia wanted a child when she reached 33 but hadn't found Mr Right, so she decided to go it alone. Eliott was conceived with the help of an anonymous sperm donor, and was born six months before Sylvia donated her eggs. Now 19, Eliott is ready to search for his sperm donor father.

For Eliott, born in 1991 when all donors were anonymous, his only hope is to search through DNA testing with the help of an organisation called UK Donorlink.

For Sylvia, contact with her recipient is at her fingertips. The film follows her turmoil as she decides how and when to make contact with Joan and the twins - and the extraordinary consequence of her decision.

Donors is a warm and moving film about a new kind of family emerging from the interventions of science. This film is also a snapshot of a future following the removal of donor anonymity in 2005, where more and more people will discover who their donors are after they turn 18.

Article: 29th August 2011 www.bbc.co.uk

Read more about becoming a sperm donor or egg donor at www.prideangel.com

Come and join Manchester Pride's Big Weekend - one of the biggest parties in the UK. From Friday 26 to Monday 29 August, tens of thousands of people descend upon Manchester's world-renowned Gay Village to celebrate the climax of the Manchester Pride’s ten-day festival.

By day, there's three stages packed full of world-class entertainment as well as hundreds of Market & Lifestyle Expo stalls.

By night, Manchester's exciting gay bars and clubs take you through to the early hours of the morning with events that will make you wish the Big Weekend never came to an end.

GAYDAR MAIN ARENA This year will see some big names and fantastic entertainment including Pixie Lott, Pan Amm and Blue headlining the Gaydar Main Arena. Located on Sackville & Bloom Street, right in the heart of the Gay Village, you'll be sure to have an amazing time in the company of some of the world's most-loved artists. Check out who we've got lined-up so far...

SACKVILLE GARDENS A visit to the Sackville Gardens stage is a great chance to socialise with people who share a common interest while being surrounded by local bands, local groups and local entertainment. It’s your community, and this is your stage. On Sunday, the stage plays host to the very popular Women's Stage from 4PM. Find out what you can expect to see over the weekend.

VILLAGE SQUARE Fancy relaxing over the Big Weekend but not shying away from having a drink with some fantastic entertainment? The Village Square is the perfect area for you. We have some fantastic up-and-coming musicians from the LGBT community lined up as well as comedy, drag and activities from dancing to basketball from some of Manchester’s much loved community groups. Have a look at the full programme for the weekend.

LIFESTYLE EXPO The Lifestyle Expo is an undercover outdoor exhibition space designed for you to access resources and information about community groups, your health, sports clubs, legal advice, travel and much more. There are usually over 55 exhibitors so make sure you put aside some time to visit the area. Pride Angel will be holding a stall at the lifestyle expo, so why not have a chat about gay parenting options.

VILLAGE MARKETS Looking to pick up a souvenir to remind you of your Manchester Pride visit? There's over 40 traders on site at the Village Markets selling everything from the latest fashions to rainbow flags. You're sure to find something there to take home with you. Find out who'll be there over the weekend...

OUT IN THE PAST HERITAGE TRAIL Manchester Pride will be running the Out in the Past Hertiage Trail tours again this year. The trail, running since 2003, charts over 200 years of Manchester LGBT history.

BARS & CLUBS Manchester's Gay Village is known worldwide for it's fantastic atmosphere and diverse bar and club scene. Many venues host specific events over the Big Weekend to keep you entertained. Check out what they've got on offer this Manchester Pride.

For more information about Manchester Pride visit www.manchesterpride.com

Read more about gay parenting options at www.prideangel.com

QX Magazine is looking for gay couples who have become parents through Pride Angel to talk about their experiences in a feature about gay parenting. Although they are a magazine predominately targeted at homosexual men they would welcome lesbian couples to reply as well, given that this seems to be a widespread issue affecting all gay people. They would also like to talk to gay male sperm donors who have had children with lesbian couples and retain some modicum of parenting contact.

If you are willing to take part then we will send over a brief interview via email. QX magazine are basically looking to assess how easy you find it to be a gay parent in Britain in 2011 and whether you have ever encountered any prejudice from other parents? What was it like making the decision to have a child and how easy was the procedure of going about it? Any other issues you think we should be aware of we'd be grateful to hear about.

Please contact us at Pride Angel for more information.

A new study has revealed that men - as well as women - suffer from 'baby fever', the overwhelming desire to have children.

The emotional and physical phenomenon is usually associated with women, who can be subject to sudden and extreme maternal urges. Gary Brase, associate professor of psychology at Kansas State University, and his wife Sandra, a project co-ordinator with the university's College of Education, have spent nearly 10 years researching baby fever.

After releasing their findings yesterday Professor Brase said: 'Baby fever is this idea out in popular media that at some point in their lives, people get this sudden change in their desire to have children.

'While it is often portrayed in women, we noticed it in men, too.' The couple's interest began shortly after the birth of their second child, as Mrs Brase explained: 'Although one hears about people having baby fever from friends, family and in the media, I was curious if there was a scientific explanation for the presence, or lack of it, in both women and men.'

While some research has looked at the demographic and sociological aspects of having children, there had been no study from a psychological perspective, she said. The researchers started by applying three theoretical viewpoints about baby fever.

One is the socio-cultural view: People want to have a baby because they are taught gender roles. Women think they should have children because society dictates that is what they are supposed to do. A second reason is the by-product view: Humans have an engrained desire to nurture - when they see a cute baby they want to take care of it, and that makes them want a baby of their own.

The third is the adaptationist view: Baby fever is an emotional signal - like a suggestion sent from one part of the mind to the other parts - that this could be a good time to have a child.

The researchers then carried out studies to understand people's desires, particularly the wish to have a baby.

Professor Brase said: 'Sometimes you may have a desire to have a baby, sometimes you have desires to have money or be famous or have sex. 'We asked people to tell us where these desires ranked.'

The researchers found that baby fever existed in both genders. But while women more frequently desired having a child than having sex, men more frequently desired sex than having a child.

'We found this kind of ironic because sex and having a baby are causally related,' Professor Brase said. The researchers also asked people to describe what led them to want and not want to have a baby and found three contributing factors.

The first was positive exposure - such as holding and cuddling babies. The second included negative exposure - such as babies crying, children having tantrums and nappies. The third factor included trade-offs that come with having children - education, career, money and social life.

Professor Brase said: 'We had people who were high on the positive aspects and they see all the good things about babies and want a baby. 'We also had people who were high on the negative aspects and absolutely do not want to have babies. 'Then we had people who were high on both positive and negative aspects and were very conflicted.

'Having children is kind of the reason we exist - to reproduce and pass our genes on to the next generation. 'But economically, having children is expensive and you don't get any decent financial return on this investment. And yet, here we are, actual people kind of stuck in the middle.'

The Kansas State University research appears in the upcoming issue of Emotion, which is published by the American Psychological Association.

Article: 24th August 2011 www.dailymail.co.uk

Want to become a dad? want to co-parent? read more at www.prideangel.com

A single piece of paper held the key to their lives, their future, and now it was being questioned.

As the couple and their two children lined up to clear immigration at the New Delhi airport last Saturday, they handed their documents to the officer — Canadian passports for themselves and their daughter, an entry visa for their son.

The next few hours were a blur as immigration officers examined the paper while others bombarded the couple with questions. Why didn’t the boy have a passport? Why just an entry visa? Who was he? Who, indeed.

Their story began in 2005 when they travelled to India to hire a surrogate after years of unsuccessful fertility treatments. The eggs were donated by an unknown woman and fertilized by the man’s sperm. Soon, the surrogate was pregnant with twins. In March 2006, the babies, a boy and a girl, were born.

The couple went to the Canadian High Commission in New Delhi to apply for Canadian citizenship for the twins to bring them home. DNA tests were requested. To the couple’s horror, the boy was found to be genetically unrelated, suggesting a mix-up at the Indian fertility lab. They faced the choice of returning to Canada with their daughter and leaving their son behind, or remaining in India.

At the airport, they were finally cleared. As they settled in their seats and the plane took off for Toronto, the couple shed some tears, laughed a bit. “We dreamed of this day every day but never thought it would happen,” the man says. On Sunday, the family of four arrived at Pearson airport. They were finally home.

The couple’s misadventure in the uncharted territory of commercial surrogacy, unmatched DNA and lost children is gut-wrenching but not unique. Canada’s Assisted Human Reproduction Act makes it illegal to pay sperm donors, egg donors or surrogates.

When the act was passed in 2004, experts worried it would force Canadians to travel abroad to pay for those services, resulting in complications — like the one the Toronto couple became caught in. If a child born through surrogacy has a genetic link to one Canadian parent, Citizenship and Immigration Canada (CIC) grants citizenship. If a genetic link cannot be confirmed, the child is not automatically a Canadian citizen. There is no policy to address a situation where an error has occurred.

Sherry Levitan, a Toronto lawyer specializing in fertility law for the past 20 years, says she has heard heartbreaking stories. “Reproduction tourism is very hot,” she says. “If Canadian couples are going abroad, what are the Canadian requirements to bring babies back . . . Should there be a policy change?” Candice Malcolm, a CIC spokeswoman, says she doesn’t foresee any change to the policy. Meanwhile, families continue to pay a heavy price.

In April 2010, the Star wrote about another Canadian couple, both doctors, who travelled to western India in search of a surrogate. She bore them twins. When the couple went to the Canadian High Commission in New Delhi for travel documents, DNA tests showed both babies were unrelated to either the couple or the birth mother. They were the product of fertilized eggs from an unknown couple. The doctors left India devastated. The twins most likely went to an orphanage. Stories like these are not uncommon from India, where about 350 fertility clinics flourish.

Nothing surprises Nancy Lam, a Toronto lawyer specializing in fertility. She advises clients not to go abroad for surrogacy. “It’s hard to deal with complications if they are in another country,” she says. “Unless you have family there, I say don’t go.” But Lam acknowledges when couples want children, they just want children. “They’ll go anywhere, do anything.”

Lawyers Kelly Jordan and Michael Battista remember the first time they spoke to the couple stranded in India. “He was calling from a phone booth, the connection wasn’t the best,” says Jordan. “You could hear the traffic in the background but the desperation in his voice was unmistakable.” That was last summer.

The lawyers filed numerous court applications and had discussions with government lawyers. Nothing happened for almost a year. Then in May, Ottawa issued a citizenship card to the girl, who is biologically related to the couple, and travel papers to the other child. To date, Battista doesn’t know what triggered the turnaround. In India, the couple reacted with disbelief. They were overjoyed and hoped to return soon, Battista told the Star at the time. (The family had to wait for exit visas from the Indian government to return to Canada.)

Now Battista will file an application on humanitarian and compassionate grounds for the non-biological child and then a citizenship application. He says the government has agreed to complete the paperwork within months. This week, the family finally met Jordan and Battista. It was an emotional meeting — the adults shook hands and hugged, the children sucked candy and looked on in bemusement. “This is all because of them,” says the man, referring to Battista and Jordan. “We had been there for more than six years. They saved us, all of us.” (Before Battista, the couple had two other lawyers but their case went nowhere.)

The man, sitting in the lawyers’ boardroom, is of medium height, thin and frequently prefixes his sentences with “excuse me.” His wife, a quiet, small woman with flowing black hair tied in a ponytail, sits next to him. The twins, in identical red T-shirts and denim shorts, tear around the office. The couple, in their 50s, is adamant about keeping their identities secret due to the stigma attached to surrogacy. They also worry about the impact on the twins if they were to discover the circumstances of their birth. “We could have never thought it would be like this,” says the man. “It was a nightmare.”

The couple, who quit their jobs before they left for India and sold their house in Toronto’s east-end to pay for fertility and living expenses there, say they resided in a one-bedroom apartment without furniture, bedevilled by small armies of mosquitoes. Their living conditions were awful, they say. Often there was no electricity, sometimes the sewer system was blocked and their basic means of transportation was a rickety bicycle. Except for school, the twins were not allowed out because the couple feared they would be discovered to be living illegally.

“I couldn’t work and if we had to go to the hospital, I had to pretend to speak the local language so that they (officials) didn’t suspect anything,” says the man. They could have returned with their daughter but were adamant about not leaving their son behind — even if he wasn’t theirs genetically. The thought never crossed their minds, says the man. “While eating, sleeping . . . all we could think of was how to take both the kids back,” says the man.

Big smiles on their faces, the couple says they haven’t even begun to think about starting life over again. They are living with extended family and the children seem to be adapting well. “They are almost like new immigrants,” says Battista. “They have to begin all over again.”

Article: 20th August 2011 www.thestar.com

Read more about surrogacy within the UK

The National Gamete Donation Trust wants to listen to sperm and egg donors!

People think really carefully before they make that first enquiry about becoming an egg or sperm donor. It’s often prompted by the infertility of a close friend or family member. Most donors have thought about it on and off for several years before they contact a clinic.

There’s a big emotional investment, so the way the clinic behaves, especially with that first phone call or email, really matters, just as it matters to be treated decently when you get there.

The National Gamete Donation Trust works with donors on a daily basis and we get to hear lots of donor's stories. Too often the feedback is not good, and yet small changes in the way donors are treated could produce some big improvements.

To carry weight with the people who can make a difference, the Trust needs to prove that changes are necessary. We’re running a survey to gather evidence of what works and doesn’t work, and we need your help.

We want to hear both from donors who have completed their donation cycle and from people who enquired but did not donate. It’s important that donors are treated with respect; it’s also important to acknowledge the kindness that motivates enquirers.

We’ll use what donors tell us to make recommendations on how to treat donors through the whole process of donation, from that first phone call or email to sharing the outcome at the end of the cycle.

When you’ve known people with fertility problems finally achieve their much loved and hoped-for child, it is hard to understand why the people whose precious gift made that possible are sometimes treated so poorly. The minimum donors should receive for this unpaid act of generosity is to be treated well.

Please fill in our survey: www.ngdt.co.uk/donor-satisfaction-survey

For more about becoming a sperm or egg donor visit www.prideangel.com

A NSW judge has suggested allowing for three parents to be on a birth certificate after his landmark decision to remove a sperm donor's name from his 10-year-old daughter's certificate left the man devastated.

NSW District Court Judge Stephen Walmsley said yesterday he had no choice after a 2009 retrospective law gave the birth mother's former partner - they separated in 2006 - legal parenting status and state law allowed for only two parents to be registered.

The 58-year-old Sydney man is not a legal parent, regardless of being on the birth certificate and having regular access rights, because the child was conceived using artificial insemination.

Judge Walmsley said he had considerable sympathy for the father. ''He has had a close and loving relationship with [the girl] all of her life. So have his mother and his sister … Over the years he has contributed tens of thousands of dollars to [the girl's] upkeep and has performed acts of great generosity to [the birth mother],'' Judge Walmsley said in his judgment.

The case highlights the inadequacy of laws dealing with multi-parent families, with Judge Walmsley suggesting changes to allow sperm donors to be also listed on a birth certificate.

''No doubt a provision for registration of a third parent for a situation such as this one might be a neat answer to the problem this case presents,'' he said. ''I do not find it surprising that he sees it as unjust, that almost 10 years after his name was placed on the Register as the father, his name may be removed and replaced with the name of [the birth mother's] former partner.''

A spokesman for the NSW Attorney-General, Greg Smith, said he was ''considering the judgment''. The girl's father said yesterday he was ''absolutely outraged''. ''My daughter deserves to have an identity, my daughter deserves to have a father,'' he said.

The women, who did not want to comment yesterday, had advertised in the gay press for an ''uncle figure''. The man agreed to pay for about $10,000 in pre-birth treatments and for a midwife. The women sent him an invitation to hear the baby's heartbeat. But the relationship broke down soon after the child was born.

Janet Loughman, principal solicitor of Women's Legal Services NSW, which represented the birth mother's former partner in the case against the NSW Registrar of Births Deaths and Marriages, said ''not being listed on the birth certificate is not a barrier to known sperm donors having a relationship with a child''.

The donor father has consent orders for fortnightly visits through the Family Court but told the District Court the women had not been adhering to these and he had not seen his daughter in several months.

"Contrary to popular wisdom birth certificates do not make you a parent, they are just proof, like a driver's licence,'' she said. ''They record legal parentage, not genetic parentage. It is the legal parents who need that proof as they go about the daily business of raising the child.''

Article: 17th August 2011 www.smh.com.au

Read more about the rights of known donors and the law for recipients wishing to use known donors

Heartbroken women in The Netherlands have given birth to numerous children with Asperger's Syndrome after a sperm donor lied to them about the state of his health. For 18 months the man's semen has been used despite the fact that he suffers from the hereditary autistic disorder. Incredibly, he is still active as a sperm donor, but not at an official clinic. Dutch media said the man has fathered at least 22 children and several of those are already showing symptoms of autism.

Asperger's Syndrome is a type of development disorder retarding in the development of many basic skills, most notably the ability to socialize with others, to communicate, and to use imagination. Symptoms include children losing language or social skills, an inability to make friends easily, and developing unusual behaviour patterns, such as spending hours lining up toys or developing odd repetitive movements.

Despite passing on his syndrome and lying about his health, the man is still an active sperm donor Asperger's syndrome was named for the Austrian doctor, Hans Asperger, who first described the problems 1944, but it was not recognized as a unique disorder until much later.

The Dutch sperm donor is aged 30 and comes from the port city of Rotterdam. The woman who had babies as a result of his sperm only found out his true identity in the past month. As well as carrying the Asperger's gene, Dutch newspapers said he had also been treated for depression in the past. The women contacted the man via the Internet; this has become a popular method in Holland due to the long waiting lists at offical sperm banks and the high prices they charge.

Waiting periods vary from six months to two years and prices are usually between 500 and 1,000 pounds. The long waiting lists have also led hospitals to give preferential treatment to heterosexual couples. As a result, many single women and lesbian couples find it is much faster and cheaper to find sperm donors via the internet. 'There is a perceived added value in that the women get to meet the potential sperm donor, but the risks are also considerably higher,' said the Dutch newspaper AD. 'Some of the unofficial donors are reportedly only after sex or out to have as many donor children as possible.'

Identified only as Paul, the newspaper claimed he was a 'pathological liar.' Women have come forward to say that they had intercourse with him, or artificial insemination, after meeting him on websites like Verlangennaareenkind.nl and Bam-mam.nl. Those two sites have since banned him but there are fears he will continue to infect women with the autism gene by changing his identity and advertising elsewhere.

Erika co-founder of Pride Angel, the leading parenting connection website added 'This incident emphasises how important it is to personally meet and get to know your sperm donor, finding out as much as possible about their medical family history.' 'Fertility clinics can only perform limited screening tests, therefore personally getting to know a donor before taking them to a clinic for fertility treatment, is the safest form of sperm and egg donation'.

For more information about finding a known sperm or egg donor visit www.prideangel.com

Article: 14th August 2011 www.dailymail.co.uk

The Brighton Pride 2011 Parade, Park event and Street Party WILL GO AHEAD AS SCHEDULED on Saturday.

Pride in Brighton and Hove are delighted to announce Alexandra Burke as headliner for the Preston Park 2011 event. The x-factor winner and chart topper will be bringing her inimitable R&B dance sound to the Pride Live stage on August 13.

Following the sell-out success of her debut concert tour ‘All Night Long’ earlier this year, Alexandra will remind crowds once again why she won votes, and hearts, with her live performances on x-factor.

With a new album in the pipeline, which promises to get ‘down and dirty’ as a ‘fiercer’ rival to her number one debut ‘Overcome’, Pride is proud to showcase a vamped up version of the pop superstar. From the reggae infused dancehall number ‘Start Without You’ and the record-breaking ballad ‘Hallelujah’, to the club ready ‘Bad Boys’, crowds can expect a varied and vigorous set from the x-factor star.

Pride are thrilled to welcome such a huge name in UK pop to what is set to be Pride’s most exciting year yet.

Pride Angel are delighted to be attending and holding a stall at this year's Brighton and Hove Pride event, so why not call down and come and speak to us.

www.prideangel.com