Pride Angel

Stonewall has launched this week 'A Guide for Gay Dads', giving gay men practical advice in plain English on how to become a dad.

The guide is the brother publication to Pregnant Pause, released earlier this year. It guides prospective gay dads through all their options including adoption, co-parenting, surrogacy, sperm donation and fostering. It includes a handy glossary and spells out all the recent legal changes in plain English to help demystify the process.

Ben Summerskill, Stonewall Chief Executive, said: ‘There’s never been a better time for gay men to start a family in Britain. The law is now on their side. And this comprehensive new guide – the first of its kind specifically aimed at gay men – outlines all options, with handy tips and places to go for further support. We hope it’ll convince some gay men who might have otherwise written off the prospect of raising children to re-consider.’

Stonewall we have worked hard to ensure that gay people can have and raise children like everyone else. While our lobbying has helped changed the law – allowing gay couples to adopt, removing barriers to fertility treatment for lesbians and outlawing discrimination in goods and services, including organisations offering social and family services – there is still lots to do.

Not only does the 'Guide for Gay Dads' give vitally useful legal advice on what parenting rights you may have in different situations but it gives you an overview of what you can expect from each route to becoming a dad. Given the recent changes to the law it is a must-read for any gay men considering starting a family.

Cambridge University research for Stonewall published earlier this year demonstrated how children with same-sex parents have the exact same quality of upbringing as other children. Alice, 7, who was interviewed for the research said: ‘I’ve got two parents who love me. It doesn’t matter if they’re a boy or a girl.’

Stonewall’s YouTube channel www.youtube.com/stonewalluk currently includes an interview with Jess Sweeney, 17, whose dad is gay. She told us: ‘Every girl wants a gay best friend, but mine is my dad, too.’

If you would like a free hardcopy of the guide, email Stonewall at info@stonewall.org.uk
or Click here to download A Guide for Gay Dads

It’s the latest in a programme of recent work to ensure lesbian and gay people can start families and bring up children free from homophobia. Earlier this year Stonewall published their groundbreaking (Different Families) research which for the first time allowed the overwhelmingly illuminating voices of children with gay parents to be heard and last year they published (Pregnant Pause), a guide for lesbians on how to get pregnant.

Read more about the guide at www.stonewall.org.uk

For more information about gay parenting, becoming a sperm donor or co-parenting visit www.prideangel.com

It takes just minutes, but the emotional consequences of donating sperm can last for years. So what makes men do it? By Alice-Azania Jarvis, The Independent.

Sperm is a hot commodity in 21st-century Britain. Women will travel miles to find it and pay thousands to access it. Obtaining a donation from the European Sperm Bank – which is to say pursuing the standard, NHS-endorsed option of licensed donation – can cost upwards of £2,500. That's before diagnostic testing, treatment costs, and "pregnancy slot" bookings are taken into account. That's £2,500 for three, thumb-sized vials of frozen semen – and it might not be enough.

Treatment could be unsuccessful, at least the first time around. It might be a one-off, or it might a recurring problem. It might not even be possible to buy a donation. Demand for those frozen vials dwarfs availability, and the result is a system in which eligibility is strictly regulated.

Mark Jackson first learned of the sperm shortage six years ago. Sitting at his computer, reading news of the Boxing Day tsunami, he was made aware of his own mortality. “I realised that you could be wiped off the earth without having left any impact,” he reflects. “My eye was caught by a ticker running across the screen. It said that there was a shortage of gamete donations. I didn’t even know what that was, but I clicked on the link. I realised that maybe I could make a difference after all.”

Since then, his sperm has been used to “help” two families and Jackson has become a trustee of the National Gamete Donation Trust (NGDT). He is one of almost 500 registered donors in the UK, sharing his sperm via the 138 licensed clinics around the country. In 2005, when British law changed to allow donors’ offspring to learn, on turning 18, the identity of their father, that number was widely predicted to drop off. Suddenly, the prospect was raised of biological sons or daughters rocking up on donors’ doorsteps. It’s a scenario soon to be played out on the big screen, thanks to US comedy The Kids Are All Right, and it would be enough – sceptics reasoned – to turn many men off their trips to the fertility clinic.

In fact, the opposite has happened: thanks to several high-profile recruitment drives, numbers have increased: from 224 newly registered donors in 2004 to 396 in 2008. In theory, at least, this should be enough to satisfy demand, since each donor can “enable” up to 10 families. But it hasn’t done so.

The mismatch is so great that last week Laura Witjens, NGDT chairwoman, called for donors to be paid. At present, they are awarded a maximum of £250 in expenses and lost wages.

Spending by individual clinics on awareness raising, recruitment drives, and medical testing add to the cost of making sperm available for donation. All things considered, clinics, according to Infertility Network UK, fork out somewhere in the region of £5,000 per donor.

If, says Witjens, they were to add payment into the mix, clinics would be in a position to attract more donors, thus satisfying demand. Yet it’s not obvious that a lack of donors is the problem, nor that financial incentives would provide a solution.

Earlier this year the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA) discovered that the average donor was enabling just 1.5 families, far fewer than then legal limit of 10. Given that some 80 per cent of donors agree to the maximum amount, something is clearly amiss.

The answer lies with the clinics. Clinics recruit donors individually, and work through the process of donation – from preliminary tests to repayment of expenses – separately. Frequently, unused sperm isn’t shared with other clinics, and much of it goes to waste. “It’s something we are trying to address,” confirms a spokesman for the HFEA. “At the end of the day, we can’t force clinics to share their sperm.” Until the system is sorted out, the only option is to recruit more donors. Or, if you are a woman in search of sperm, to head, as it were, off-piste, and wade into the world of unlicensed private donation.

Ed Houben of the Netherlands has been donating sperm since 1999, and doing so privately since 2002. He is Europe’s most prolific sperm donor. Head to his website and you are directed towards an upbeat missive in which he explains his willingness to offer “a good sperm cell” to needy couples around the world. He has fathered some 70 children, several in his home country, and others as far flung as Australia, Canada and Israel. At present, he has another eight on the way.

Like Jackson, he was initially drawn to donation by the desire to make a difference, to leave his mark on the world. “I didn’t want to look back and not to have accomplished anything,” he says. “So I went to a clinic near my home and gave sperm.” Houben is the friendly face of private donation. Kindly and businesslike, he takes his role seriously, hosting annual get-togethers for his offspring. Women come to him secure in the knowledge that theirs will be a safe, reliable experience; of the dozens who have approached him, only a few have been turned down. “The most important thing to me is that the child has the best possible chance of a normal, happy life.” Of course, he isn’t alone in his integrity: many donors recruited privately are equally altruistic, going on to help couples in the most desperate of situations.

However, this so-called “grey market” of private donation can be a tricky place, because it is unwieldy and unregulated. Websites offering to introduce sperm and egg abound in listings classified as for the family-minded.

While some websites recommend that women insist on medical checks before accepting a donation, there is, ultimately, a limit to what they can do. “I have met people who donated without any checks,” Houben reflects with a sigh. “That’s playing Russian roulette.”

It’s not simply a matter of health. As the HFEA warns, without a clinic to mediate, “the details of parenthood can become problematic”. Indeed, private donors have no guarantee of their protection from parental duties. Three years ago, in the first case of its kind, Britain’s Child Support Agency forced a 37-year-old fireman who had provided sperm to a lesbian couple to contribute to the child’s maintenance. In that instance, the pregnancy was a result of artificial insemination. Natural insemination, when the mother conceives through sexual intercourse with the donor, only further muddies the waters.

Back in London, donors for licensed, artificial insemination are in high demand. “We advertise in the London papers,” explains Neeta Bala, donor bank coordinator at the London Fertility Centre. “We’re hoping to go into men’s magazines soon too, and we’ve done other papers and in college guides.” Their hit rate is around two donors per month – more than the average clinic, but far fewer than they would like. “It’s less than we need. We have peaks and troughs.”

Oddly, for such a prominent issue, the act of donation is rather opaque. What, one wonders, goes on within the hushed confines of the donation room?

For those in need of illumination – and it’s not simply a case of five minutes with some cut-price pornography – the process goes something like this. On calling the clinic, potential donors are talked through their decision by an embryologist. Then, if everyone is happy to proceed, a “semen assessment appointment”, is made. The donor’s sperm is sampled, frozen and cultivated to assess its longevity. Their blood, meanwhile, is tested for disease and genetic disorder. If both results come through clear, the man in question will be asked to return for between six and eight visits, producing samples every time.

Throughout the process, alcohol and sex will be strictly regulated and, afterwards, donors are asked to attend a counselling session. Six months after the final appointment, a second blood test is taken. Finally, the sperm is banked. The whole thing takes around eight months.

Happily, part of the enigma surrounding donation may be about to evaporate, thanks in part to a new book by Greg Wolfe. How to Make Love to a Plastic Cup: A Guy’s Guide to the World of Infertility explains in detail the comings and goings of gamete giving. From donation-room etiquette (chapter title: “Sperm-a-lot”) to the inevitable awkwardness of the clinic waiting room, it offers a wry, occasionally laugh-out-loud, briefing.

“Donation has become normal to me now,” says Jackson. “It’s part of my life.” As things stand, he knows nothing of the people his sperm has created. If they choose to look him up one day, he says, he’ll be happy to meet them: “I don’t have strong feelings. It would be up to them.”

For the time being, he has three children at home to take care of: a toddler, a five-month-old baby, and his girlfriend’s son from a previous marriage. Houben, meanwhile, continues to see those of his offspring who want to maintain contact. As for the future of his sperm, he remains uncertain. “Who knows how long I’ll continue? But whatever happens, I know I can look back on many happy families that I’ve helped create.”

Article: 26th October 2010 www.independent.co.uk

Read more about private sperm donation, health screening and the legal side of things at www.prideangel.com

Two experts have indicated their support for paying sperm and egg donors more money. Two panelists in a debate last Wednesday, organised by the Progress Educational Trust in partnership with the Royal Society of Medicine, on the ethics of egg donation and payment said in the press they want to raise the maximum payment above today's £250 per cycle.

Speaking to the Guardian, Tony Rutherford, chairman of the British Fertility Society, said about egg donation: '£1,500 seems to be reasonable compensation for the physical rigours that these women need to undergo. They need to have injections of drugs, invasive internal scans and then a small operative procedure to collect the eggs. They may also possibly need to have time off work to attend appointments spread over three to four weeks'.

Mr Rutherford said the fees paid should match the financial benefit gained by those taking part in egg-sharing schemes, where a woman donates some of her eggs in return for free or cheaper fertility treatment. He added: 'Compensation should not be so high that it acts as a financial inducement'.

The debate also extended to payment to sperm donors - also subject to the £250 cap. Laura Witjens, chairwoman of the National Gamete Donation Trust, wrote in a BBC news health column: 'Sperm donors deserve at least the same payment if not more than egg donors do'. She argued the process they go through is difficult, lengthy and requires a serious commitment.

The debate was held as the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA) prepares to launch a public consultation on the donation of eggs, sperm and embryos in January 2011, which will look at issues including payment.

A shortage of egg donors in the UK is leading to an increase in couples travelling abroad for treatment. A spokesman for the HFEA said: 'We know there is a shortage of donor eggs and sperm. This means that people are having to wait longer for their treatment. In some instances people are travelling abroad where there may not be such a shortage'.

Sarah Norcross, director of the Progress Educational Trust, said the level of payment for both men and women should increase, describing the current limit as 'woefully inadequate'.

Article: 25th October 2010, appeared in Bionews 581, www.bionews.co.uk

For more information about known sperm and egg donation visit www.prideangel.com

The first ever event aiming to demystify the process of becoming a parent for the gay community and single people, ‘The Alternative Families Show’ was held yesterday, Saturday 23rd October 2010, within the Grand Connaught rooms, London. The show was organised by Littlepink, social network and Square Peg Media, in partnership with Stonewall, the gay, lesbian and bisexual charity. Square Peg Media is the publisher of G3 magazine, Out in the City magazine and Proud magazine.

The organisers said ‘We are really pleased with the response we have had, with over a thousand people attending. It has been a huge success and is something we will definitely be continuing to run next year’

The event brought expert advisors together from fertility clinics, adoption and fostering agencies to co-parenting websites to include Pride Angel which is now the leading connection service for gay, lesbian, single and infertile couples wishing to find known sperm donors and co-parents.

Pride Angel said ‘It was fantastic to hear all the positive comments about our service. Many lesbian women really liked the idea of having a ‘dad’ involved in their children’s lives. Many gay couples who had previously believed that surrogacy or adoption was the only method of starting a family, where extremely interested in potential co-parenting arrangements‘.

The show also ran several seminars throughout the day giving advice about fostering and adoption, using a known sperm donor, the legal side of co-parenting, using nutrition to boost fertility and help prevent miscarriage, surrogacy – the law and choosing surrogacy abroad. Stonewall presented a seminar regarding children from different families, about gay families and schools. Lastly but not least, Littlepink, a network for same sex parents and children spoke about the importance of support networks and the value behind a community.

For more information about parenting options for lesbian, gay, single and infertile couple visit www.prideangel.com

The Alternative Families Show is taking place this Saturday 23rd October 2010 - 10am to 5pm, Grand Connaught Rooms, Covent Garden, London. Tickets are now available on the day priced £10.

The Alternative Families Show is for would be parents and for families already set up. For those people looking to start a family there are experts on hand to discuss all the options available to a same-sex, male or female couple and to single people wanting to become a parent. Informative seminars will be running throughout the day from conception to schooling.

The show is also for families we have legal advice, opportunities to meet support networks, other parents, and to hear about research findings from Stonewall on children. There will be free children's entertainment throughout the day, allowing parents to speak to the experts in the same room.

Exhibitors at the Alternative Familes Show include:

Pride Angel
Pride Angel is a leading worldwide connection site, fertility forum and blog for lesbian, gay, single and infertile couples, wishing to become parents through co-parenting and donor conception. www.prideangel.com

London Women's Clinic
The LWC provides IVF and fertility treatments to assist couples and individuals overcome their difficulties in conception and pregnancy. They have over 20 years’ experience and operate one of the most successful programmes in the world. www.lwclinic.co.uk

London Sperm Bank
The UK's premier sperm bank. Giving women in the U.K. maximum choice without having to undertake expensive travel abroad. The LSB is licensed by the HFEA. www.londonspermbank.com

Stonewall
The lesbian, gay and bisexual charity. Stonewall played a key role in lobbying for important legislative changes for gay and lesbian parents. www.stonewall.org.uk

Time for children
Time for Children is a child-centred fostering agency specialising in the provision for sibling groups - hence our motto, 'enabling brothers and sisters to stay together'. www.timeforchildren.org

The Agora Gynaecology & Fertility Centre
The Agora Gynaecology & Fertility Centre, a new centre of excellence in the South of England dedicated to the needs of women and their partners. www.agoraclinic.co.uk

Sutton
Sutton welcomes adoption applications from ordinary people from all walks of life regardless of ethnicity, sexuality, marital status, or property ownership. We welcome enquiries from prospective adopters who live outside the Sutton borough. www.sutton.gov.uk

European Sperm Bank
European Sperm Bank provides patients with donor choices. They select donors very carefully and use industry-leading donor screening procedures strictly in line with EU regulations. www.europeanspermbank.com

BAAF
British Association for Adoption and Fostering. Family finding, publications, training, conferences, consultancy, campaigning and advice.

Birmingham Women's Fertility Centre
Birmingham Women’s have offered NHS and private patients supportive and successful treatment for over 20 years. We are a leading centre in recruitment of donors and pioneered an egg-sharing scheme that reduces treatment costs for eligible patients. A member of Stonewall’s Healthy Lives Programme.

Active Aims Ltd
Positive physical health and an ability to cope with stress will significantly increase your chances of conceiving and having a healthy pregnancy. Active Aims Ltd specialises in health coaching, personal training and health education.. www.activeaims.com

Ealing - Be the Daddies
As a gay adoptive parent you’ll take on all kinds of roles in a child’s life. It’s demanding, challenging, immensely rewarding – like nothing else you’ve ever experienced. We’re here to support you all of the way. We have children of all ages and ethnic backgrounds and are seeking equally diverse people to make their lives complete. www.ealing.gov.uk

New Family Social
New Family Social is a support group run by, and for, LGBT adopters and foster carers across the UK. www.newfamilysocial.co.uk

Diersklinik
If you want a baby we want to help...We offer fertility treatment in Denmark. We are one hour direct flight from London, have a high success rate, no waiting list, have both anonymous and open sperm donors to choose from and to top it all its less that £500 per IUI. www.diersklinik.co.uk

The North East London Adoption Group
The North East London Adoption Group is a consortium of 6 Local Authority adoption agencies working together to improve placement opportunities for children, the recruitment, preparation and support of adopters and services for those with adoption in their lives in our area. The agencies are Barking & Dagenham, Hackney, Tower Hamlets, Waltham Forest, Newham and Redbridge. We also work with Barnardos and Norwood. For more information please see www.thinkadoption.org

Creating families
The Center for Surrogate Parenting, based in Maryland as well as California, has been helping couples become parents for over 30 years and our first gay couple became parents in 1987. We have never had a surrogate refuse to relinquish a child or had a couple be denied entry to their home country with their baby. CSP is a fully comprehensive program. We offer you pre-screened surrogate mothers, with medical insurance, fully psychologically and medically screened. No wait for a pre-screened surrogate. www.creatingfamilies.com

The North London Consortium
The North London Adoption Consortium (NLAC) is a partnership of five local authority adoption agencies (Barnet, Camden, Enfield, Haringey and Islington) and the voluntary agency Norwood. We all work together to provide the very best possible service for children waiting to be adopted and for those wanting to adopt. Working in partnership means we are able to offer a greater range of choice for children and adopters. By sharing information about waiting children and approved adopters, we are able to find new homes for children in a more efficient and timely manner. www.adoptionnorthlondon.org

For more information text Adoption followed by your email address to 60777 or email your name and address to nlac@adoption.org.uk

Adoption UK
Adoption UK is a national charity run by and for adopters, providing self-help information, advice, support and training on all aspects of adoption and adoptive parenting. They work with parents and practitioners to make adoptions succeed, promoting loving and supportive family relationships within adoptive families. www.adoptionuk.org

KoRa Healthcare
KoRa Healthcare specialises in the development, marketing & sale of niche products to hospitals and retail pharmacies. Therapeutic areas include female sexual health, mineral and vitamin deficiencies and renal disorders. Relactagel is a lactic acid gel for treatment and prevention of Bacterial Vaginosis (BV) which affects one in three women at some point. Studies show a prevalence of BV in lesbians of 24 – 51%.

Children's Entertainer for the event...
Creating unique events and activities for children of all ages, Sharky & George is based entirely on the belief that being energetic and imaginative is the key to having good, honest fun. www.sharkyandgeorge.com

Find out more about co-parenting and donor conception for gay and lesbian couples at www.prideangel.com

Women may soon be able to plan better how long to wait to start a family thanks to a simple test.

By reading clues hidden in a woman’s genes, it could give her odds of going through an early menopause, scientists say.

Those deemed to be at risk could try for a baby earlier than they otherwise might.

Lead scientist Dr Anna Murray said: ‘It is estimated that a woman’s ability to conceive decreases on average ten years before she starts the menopause.

‘Therefore, those who are destined to have an early menopause and delay childbearing until their 30s are more likely to have problems conceiving.’

They compared the DNA of 2,000 women who suffered it with that of those who had stopped their periods at the normal age.

In the UK, the average age for the menopause – defined as the time when a woman’s periods have stopped for 12 months – is 52.

However, 1 per cent of women go through the menopause before they hit 40. Timing is largely genetic, although weight and the age that periods start have an effect.

The researchers found that there are four genes which all affect early menopause in their own ways, and much more so when they were all present. They added that their findings help explain why some females go into menopause early.

Women who enter the menopause early have a higher risk of developing cardiovascular disease, infertility and osteoporosis, and a lower risk of getting breast cancer.

A womans fertility starts to decline after the age of 30. Rising levels of the hormone FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) tend to be associated with reduced fertility. This test is especially useful for women with irregular periods and for women over the age of 30.

All our insemination kits contain 2 FSH tests. If both tests are positive it is an indicator of reduced fertility. A negative test result is good news but is not a guarantee of fertility. A positive result suggests fertility is reduced and we recommend that you see your doctor to discuss the results and perhaps have further tests.

Read more about fertility tests

You are one step closer to starting your family or helping others achieve their dream. Find out more about how Pride Angel works, whether you are a wishing to become a sperm donor, egg donor, co-parent, or recipient looking for a donor.

Getting information
Donors
Choosing to donate sperm or eggs is a wonderful gift, giving others the opportunity of becoming parents. It can be a big decision to become a donor, whether or not you wish to be involved in the upbringing of the child, it is worth considering what level of contact you wish to maintain. Getting plenty of information regarding your legal rights and what health screening is required is really important.

Recipients
Are you looking for a sperm donor to complete your family? It is a big decision and you will want to choose the right person, as ultimately they will be giving 50% of your future child’s genes. It is also really important to find a like minded person, especially when there is an intention that the donor will play a part in the child’s life, such as an ‘uncle type figure’. Even if your intention is for your child to have no contact with the donor, children need to have the ability to trace their identity as they become adults. Therefore keeping a record of the donor’s identification is important to enable them to trace at age 18 years if they wish to. Receiving treatment through a fertility clinic will ensure that these details are kept on file. If you are a lesbian couple, it is worth considering whether you will be entering into a civil partnership before starting fertility treatment or home insemination. If you are civil partners at the time you conceive, the non-birth mother is your child's legal parent if you conceive artificially (which covers IUI or IVF at a licensed clinic, and artificial insemination at home) If you are a single woman and you conceive outside a fertility clinic (home insemination) your donor would be treated as the child’s legal parent in the eyes of the law.

Co-parents
Choosing to co-parent as a single person or couple is a real commitment, but an arrangement which works, can be really beneficial to a child, gaining input from both biological parents and the extra support from extended family members. As a co-parent you would be sharing parental responsibility and also any financial responsibility too. Members wishing to co-parent are advised to take their time choosing the right kind of person who has similar parenting styles and values to you. Getting to know your co-parent over a period of a year can enables a greater understanding of whether you would both be able to co-parent effectively.

Involving your partner
If you are looking for a sperm donor as part of a couple, such as a lesbian couple, or heterosexual couples, it is important to involve your partner as much as possible in the process. The partner who is not the birth mother can sometimes feel left out and may be concerned about whether they will bond with the child. It is important to keep communication open at all times and to both talk about ways in which you could make each other feel secure and happier in the decision to start a family together. Share your thoughts and feelings, maybe have counselling together before starting your journey to parenthood.
If you are a donor looking to donate or co-parent as part of a couple it is also necessary to consider the feeling of your partner and to be open and honest about your donations. Many children wish for the option of contacting their donor later in life, even if simply to see what their ‘biological father or mother’ is like. How you would feel and how your partner would feel, when a’ biological child’ makes contact in the future must be a serious consideration when choosing to donate.

Viewing profiles
Pride Angel allows you to search basic profiles of sperm donors, egg donors, co-parents and recipients without the need to register, searching by country and county. However to view another member’s full profile and any image/picture you are required to register with us. Becoming a member also allows you to do ‘advanced searches’ allowing you to search specific criteria such as eye colour, hair colour and race, to name but a few.

Creating a profile
To create your own personal profile, simply register with us for free. We only require a few basic details to get you started. Then you are able to update your profile with further information within the ‘About’ and ‘Interests’ sections. You may also choose to upload a photograph of yourself, or both of you if you are registering as a couple. In addition there is an optional ‘health questionnaire’ which you may choose to complete, showing other members that you are committed to health screening. The more details you add to your profile about yourself and the addition of a photograph, will give you a better chance of finding a like minded parenting match. Remember that the profiles which catch your attention, often have images and interesting comments for you to read.

Making contact
Pride Angel has a safe internal messaging system which enables you to contact other members without needing to give out any personal information. Members are able to purchase message credits, priced from only £10. Our unique message credits system has many benefits: there are no set up fees or monthly subscriptions; message credits don’t run out, so you can take your time, message credits also prevent nuisance contacts from other members and helps minimise sperm donors donating to too many people. Sperm donors and egg donors are given 5 free message credits to enable them to reply to messages. Pride Angel has a ‘Report Abuse’ button which enables you to easily let us know if you are concerned about a particular member. For example a member who has requested payment (other than expenses) or natural insemination (sexual intercourse) should be reported to us, and we will act upon any ‘reports’ immediately.

Getting to know each other
Choosing a donor or co-parent is a huge decision, therefore we always advise our members to take their time in getting to know each other better. Initially you may choose to send several internal email messages, until you feel comfortable with giving any personal details such as email addresses or telephone numbers. We want our members to be stay safe at all times, therefore if you are unsure, never give personal details out, until you are totally happy that you have got to know the other person well enough.

Meeting your donor or recipient
Members should always personally meet with their prospective donor, co-parent or recipient. It is often difficult to understand a person’s personality or mannerisms until you actually meet an individual. Safety of our members is of utmost importance to us, this is why we always recommend meeting your donor or co-parent in a public place such as a restaurant or shopping area. If you are part of a couple always go together, or if you are a single person, take a friend or family member along for support. Meeting initially may feel a little daunting or awkward but remember that the other person probably feels exactly the same. Once you have met for the first time, you are more likely to have a better idea, as to whether this person would be right as a donor, co-parent or recipient. If you are unsure it is better to be honest, don’t feel that there is no going back, this is ‘your choice’ and a decision in which you must feel happy and comfortable with.

Communicating with your donor or recipient
Being able to communicate openly with your donor or recipients from the start is really important. It can help prevent any problems and misunderstandings further down the line. The areas which need to be talked about include:
• Family medical history and health screening
• Family details such as any previous children or donations
• Level of contact the child with have with the donor or co-parent
• Will the donor be named on the birth certificate
• Will the donor have any parental responsibility
• Will the donor be financially responsible
• Will you be getting a donor or co-parenting legal agreement in place
• How will the fertility treatment take place, at a clinic or home insemination

Contact arrangements
Contact arrangements are one of the most significant factors to consider when choosing your donor or co-parent. Donors If you are a donor or looking for a donor you may or may not wish to have ongoing contact. Some donors are happy to stay in touch or act as ‘uncle type’ figures in the child’s life, which can be beneficial to a child’s identity. This level of contact can vary from very little to quite frequent, depending of individuals circumstances. Examples of varying levels of contact include:
• No contact but donor agrees to donate through a registered clinic and have their details kept on file, for any child to be able to contact them at age 18 if they wished to.
• No contact but donor gives personal details and allows for the child to contact them if they wish to as they grow up
• No contact, but donor keeps in touch through emails or birthdays cards
• Occasional contact acting as ‘uncle type’ figure, occasionally seeing child at special occasions
• Regular contact and known as ‘dad’ without having any parental or financial responsibility. The level of contact would be the decision of the parents holding the responsibility, unless a contact agreement had been put in place.
It is important to be aware that if a donor is having regular contact with a child, they may in certain circumstances be seen as the child’s legal father and therefore by held financially responsible.

Co-parents
Co-parenting involves sharing parental responsibility between the biological parents. The time spent with each parent may be split 50% or more typically a child would spend a greater amount of time with one parent than the other. This may mean spending a school week with the mother and weekends with the father, however in some situations this may be the other way round. The parents would ideally come to this agreement at the start and arrange a legal co-parenting agreement. A co-parent would be involved in making decisions about the child’s welfare and would also contribute financially to their upbringing.

Legal agreements
Sperm donor
If you are choosing to use a known donor, using home insemination to conceive, it is really important to get a written sperm donor agreement in place before going ahead with any inseminations. While a donor agreement is not strictly legally binding, the process of putting an agreement in place can be helpful in setting out expectations and may also be used as evidence to a court dealing with any dispute. The law on known sperm donation can be complicated and it is well worth checking you understand whether your donor will be excluded from being the child’s legal parent. For more information on sperm donor agreements see fertility lawyers Gamble&Ghevaert.

Co-parenting
Putting in place a co-parenting agreement is usually a good idea. With more adults involved in a child’s upbringing it is important to be clear on issues of legal parenthood and what roles and financial responsibilities everyone will have. While a co-parenting agreement is not strictly legally binding and a court would be free to act in a child’s best interest if a dispute arose between you, the process of putting an agreement in place can be helpful in managing everyone’s expectations. A legal document would also be taken into account by a court hearing any dispute, and would be likely to be given weight if reasonable in its terms, properly drafted and prepared following independent legal advice. For more information on protecting your rights as a co-parent and arranging co-parenting agreements see fertility lawyers Gamble&Ghevaert.

Health screening
Health screening is really important in protecting your health as a recipient and that of any unborn child. When choosing a donor or co-parent it is important to consider the following:
• Family health history
• General fitness & nutrition
• General health screening

General health screening may include:
• Urine testing
• Blood count
• Blood pressure

Sexual health screening (infection testing)
All sperm donors and should be tested for sexually transmitted infections, such as HIV, Hepatitis and Chlamydia. Speak to your local GP or GUM (Genito-urinary- medicine) clinic for further information.

Genetic health screening
All sperm donors should consider screening for the carriage of the Cystic Fibrosis gene. There are many other genetic diseases which may be screened for, dependent upon race. Speak to your local GP for further information

Fertility treatment
A single or lesbian woman without any fertility problems should be able to conceive without the need for IVF treatment. If you decide to take your known donor to a clinic for treatment, they would ensure that all the necessary health screening tests are completed. The sperm would then be frozen and kept for 6 months, and the donor re-tested for infections six months after donating. This ensures that the sperm is infection free before starting treatment. If using a fertility clinic for treatment, options include IUI (intra-uterine insemination) whereby the best quality sperm are selected. They are then inserted into the womb at the woman’s most fertile time, when an ovary releases an egg (ovulation). IUI is a less invasive technique and less expensive than IVF.

Home insemination
If co-parenting home insemination is an effective option for conceiving. To be most effective ovulation tests should be used to find the ‘fertile window’ and then inseminations performed 2-3 times per month, using latex free syringes. Pride Angel’s best selling Deluxe Insemination kit also contains, speculums, syringe extender tips and ‘sperm friendly’ lubricant to give you the best possible chance of conceiving. Read more information about home insemination instructions and kits available to purchase.

Getting pregnant
Getting pregnant can be an exciting time but also quite stressful. You will want to give yourself the best chance of conceiving as possible, to enable you to achieve pregnancy within months, rather than years of trying. To help you along this journey we have many fertility products to help test fertility and improve your chances. Read more about fertility tests and vitamins designed for pre-conception.

Pregnancy
Once you achieve your dream of becoming pregnant you will probably feel delighted, or even a little unsure about the reactions of your partner, friends or family. If you are within a couple , it is important to continue to support each other throughout the pregnancy, making decisions together, attending antenatal classes, going for checkups and scans. When the baby is born a civil partner has the same rights as a married couple, from anything from being present during the birth, the non-biological parent being on the birth certificate, being entitled to paternity leave, and sharing maternity leave if you choose.

Alternative family
As a single person or lesbian or gay couple, however you decide to have children, the most important emphasis is that your child is raised in a safe and loving environment, with responsible parents meeting their needs. Good parenting regardless of sexuality requires consistency and security. Lesbian and gay couples are just as likely as heterosexual parents to raise well adjusted and well rounded children. There is much recent evidence from studies to support this finding, that a child having gay or lesbian parents does not affect their self-esteem and well being.

Telling your child
It may seem difficult to explain to your child how they came into the world, but being open right from the start is often the best approach. This ensures that being donor-conceived becomes a part of your child’s history, and feels like a normal part of their life as they grow. This way, if there are any comments or questions from other family members or friends, your child will know how to respond. Research has shown that the earlier a child is told about being donor-conceived, the more well adjusted they become. Ongoing contact with a donor and child will also help the child’s identity and prevent them longing to find an unknown donor as they become adults.

The Donor Conception network provides information on "telling and talking" and personal accounts from parents with older children about how they told their children about their origins.

Pride Angel believes in creating happy and health alternative families, involving donors and co-parents in the lives of their children. Find your parenting match with Pride at www.prideangel.com

Four women have given birth to healthy babies after having their eggs genetically screened using a technique that offers new hope to childless couples.

The success could help women who have failed to conceive with the help of IVF to have babies. All were taking part in a pilot study testing a new method of looking for chromosomal abnormalities in eggs.

The technique, called comparative genomic hybridisation (CGH) by microarray, could also make it easier for women to give birth later in life when there is less chance of becoming pregnant.

But doctors involved in the trial stress that the technique can only help them identify viable eggs - it does nothing to improve the chances of producing high quality eggs in the first place.

The European Society for Human Reproduction and Embryology (Eshre) today announced that women at two centres in Bonn, Germany, and Bologna, Italy, had given birth to healthy babies after undergoing array CGH.

The German patient, aged 34, gave birth to twin girls in June. Three months later the 39-year-old woman in Italy gave birth to a baby boy. Later it was revealed that two more women aged 37 at the Bonn centre had given birth to singleton babies in August. A number of other women from the total of 41 taking part in the study are said to be at advanced stages of pregnancy.

Unlike other screening methods, CGH tests all 23 pairs of chromosomes in a cell, not just a limited number. It looks at the two polar bodies - incomplete daughter cells produced during cell division containing unwanted copies of a woman's chromosomes.

Although the polar bodies are never fertilised, the chromosomes they contain are an exact copy of those in the egg before and at the time of fertilisation. Studying the polar bodies therefore gives doctors a picture of the internal genetic state of a woman's eggs.

Although it focuses on female infertility, 95 per cent of chromosomal abnormalities affecting birth are found in women. The study, organised by an Eshre task force, provides proof in principle that CGH works.

More extensive trials on selected populations of patients are now needed, but doctors believe the technique might become part of clinical practice within two or three years.

Eshre chairman Professor Luca Gianaroli said: 'We have learned from more than 30 years of IVF that many of the embryos we transfer have chromosome abnormalities.

'indeed, it's still the case that two out of every three embryos we transfer shall fail to implant as a pregnancy, many of them because of these abnormalities.

'The whole world of IVF has been trying to find an effective way of screening for these abnormalities for more than a decade, but results so far have been disappointing with the technology available.

'Now we have a new technology in array CGH and our hopes are that this will finally provide a reliable means of assessing the chromosomal status of the embryos we transfer.' One advantage of the technique is that tests are carried out on eggs, not embryos due to be implanted into an IVF patient's womb.

This offers countries such as Germany which forbid embryo analysis and freezing a legal method of pre-implantation genetic screening.

Dr Markus Montag, one of the trial researchers from the University of Bonn, said the 34-year-old mother from his centre had been through a number of failed IVF attempts.

'She had several transfers, but never conceived,' he said. 'That meant something was going wrong.'

The average age of patients in the study was 40, well past a woman's most fertile years. But Dr Montag said women should not be encouraged to delay motherhood for the sake of their lifestyles or careers in the belief that techniques such as CGH can get them pregnant.

'Women should not wait until their 40s,' he said.

'Egg selection only works if there is something there to select. If a woman's oocytes (eggs) are all bad, she is not going to succeed with IVF.'

He thought the technique would be useful for women experiencing repeated implantation failure or who suffer from chromosomal abnormalities that can lead to birth defects and miscarriages.

Results validating the accuracy of the pilot study analysis were presented at Eshre's annual meeting in Rome in June.

They showed that complete chromosomal testing with array CGH can be completed within 12 to 13 hours. Reliable identification of the chromosomal state of an egg was possible in 90 per cent of cases.

A British woman became the first in the world to give birth after array CGH in 2009. The 41-year-old women gave birth to a baby boy named Oliver after undergoing 13 cycles of IVF without success.

She was one of a number of women with a poor prognosis treated by the Care Fertility Group in Nottingham.

Dr Simon Fishel, managing director of Care Fertility Group, said: 'It is gratifying that Care's ongoing success with this technology has been replicated. However, EHSRE is undertaking a 'controlled' study, and it is important for all the data of that study to be published so practitioners can assess the value of the study as a whole - this particular announcement does not yet move forward into widespread use the prospects for our exciting technology.'

Article: 15th October 2010 www.dailymail.co.uk

Read more about IVF and home insemination for achieving pregnancy.

The Times Weekend section are doing a piece on the Alternative Families Show, taking place Saturday 23rd October 2010 - 10am to 5pm GRAND CONNAUGHT ROOMS, COVENT GARDEN, LONDON

The Times are looking for a compelling case study to lead the piece, of people who have successfully started a family through co-parenting.

Would any of our members be interested in a photo shoot and an interview with them, talking about your experience of finding someone to start a family with, who you are not in a relationship with?

Any interested members would need to be photographed, but this could be done in an anonymous way if necessary. If both co-parents are willing to speak that would also be fantastic. The Times are interested in Lesbian couples who have used a known sperm donor or gay and lesbian singles or couples who have made co-parenting arrangements.

The piece would be sensitive and non-sensationalist, highlighting the growing number of people who realise their dream of starting a family using alternative means.

The Times would like to speak with anyone interested, as soon as possible.
Please contact Pride Angel for further information contact us

Pride Angel will be exhibiting at the Alternative Families Show and we are happy to help answer any questions you may have regarding:

Choosing to use a known donor
Co-parenting arrangements
Health screening
Fertility law
Home insemination

We look forward to seeing you there. Pride Angel

After three years of trying to have a baby, Dawn Paddock was desperate.

As a nurse in gynaecology, she had naturally relied on western medicine to help treat a blocked fallopian tube and other problems.

But, with no sign of motherhood looming, she and her husband Chris were about to embark on IVF when a friend came up with another idea - acupuncture.

And Mrs Paddock reckons the following three half-hour sessions of the ancient Chinese practice helped her conceive their long-awaited son, Shay.

The 31-year-old, who described the treatment as 'the best £60 I have ever spent', admitted: 'I was sceptical. As a nurse you rely heavily on western medicine, rather than alternative methods.

'But I thought if nothing else it would help me to relax and destress.'

Mrs Paddock, of Wrexham in North Wales, added: 'My husband and I just stared at Shay for what felt like hours after he was born.

'We couldn't believe he was really there. People are sceptical about treatments they cannot explain, but I think of the months we tried to conceive and nothing else worked.'

She said: 'We would love to have more children and I would try acupuncture again too. But, if I'm not lucky enough to get pregnant again, it won't be the end of the world now we have Shay.'

Mike Cummings, of the British Medical Acupuncture Society, said the needle treatment can stimulate nerves around the ovaries and uterus to increase blood flow.

Several celebrities have credited acupuncture with helping them conceive including Celine Dion and Helena Bonham Carter.

Article: 12th October 2010 www.dailymail.co.uk

Read more about other complementary therapies such as homeopathy