Pride Angel

As more and more hopeful parents are forced abroad to seek donor eggs, Victoria Macdonald recalls the agony and joy of her IVF quest

In a coffee shop the other day, a woman came over to tell me, at some length, just how cute my baby daughter is. Of course, I was hardly likely to disagree, but after a while the woman straightened up, looked long and hard at me and said: “So, does she take after her father, then?”

Later that week I was telling a friend just how determined Gabriella was becoming. My friend laughed and said: “Well, we know who she gets that from.”

There was an awkward pause. Because Gabriella does not get that from me. And, yes, she does look a lot like her father and not one bit like me. She has brown hair with a hint of red, chubby little cheeks, a perky nose and elegant long fingers. I do not.

But then it is not surprising we are so different in appearance. Although I carried her through 36 weeks of pregnancy and gave birth this time last year, there is no genetic link between us at all since Gabriella was conceived after we travelled to Spain for a donated egg.

A report in The Sunday Telegraph last week revealed that we are not alone. Increasing numbers of couples are travelling abroad because there is a national shortage of donor eggs in Britain, largely caused by the change in law in 2005 that prevents sperm and egg donors from donating anonymously. Quite patently, many otherwise perfectly altruistic people do not fancy the result of their donation turning up on their doorstep 18 years later.

My husband Andrew and I did not take this decision lightly, but, after four failed attempts at IVF, we felt we had no other option. I was 44, the chances of succeeding with my own eggs was down to about five per cent, and each attempt was costing us more than £3,000. We were beginning to face the heartbreaking possibility that we would never be parents.

It was our consultant, Yakoub Khalaf, at Guy’s Hospital Assisted Conception Unit, who encouraged us to consider a donor egg. Figures vary, but some suggest it has a success rate of more than 40 per cent. For women over the age of 40, who in general have a lower quality and quantity of eggs, the chances of conceiving with a donor egg are five times higher than with their own eggs. Far better than nature, in other words.

But it very quickly became apparent that we would have to wait up to two years – if not longer – if we tried to find a donor here. We briefly considered asking my younger sister, but it was a solution fraught with problems. For instance, what if I did have a baby and then when she tried and failed, how would she feel? Alternatively, how would she feel if she did not agree with our child-rearing methods? Would she want to intervene?

In the end, we didn’t even look for a donor in Britain. We turned to Spain simply because I read an article in a magazine, and our consultant had heard good things about the care there. Donations are anonymous, so there are no waiting lists, and, although the donors are not technically paid, they do receive about 1,000 euros in “expenses”.

After a false start with a clinic in Marbella, where they did not come back to us with any timeline, I phoned Institut Marquès, based in a leafy suburb of Barcelona, where we were told they should be able to find a suitable donor within a couple of months. We caught an early-morning flight, had a coffee on the Ramblas, then caught a cab to the clinic. It felt very surreal. Tucked into money belts, we carried nearly 5,000 euros each. I have never been so terrified of pickpockets or muggers, but the clinic gives clients a discount for cash. The 10,000 euros paid for the consultation, the egg retrieval from the donor, her expenses, the first implantation, and the subsequent freezing of the remaining embryos.

At the first appointment, the clinic wanted to know about my general health, and I provided evidence that I did not have any sexually transmitted diseases. My husband left behind sperm to be frozen in preparation for the treatment. But mainly the clinic wanted to meet me so that, when it came to the donor, they could provide as good a match as possible.

Andrew and I had already discussed this at length, and agreed that we would always tell our child how they had been conceived and why it had happened this way, so it was not important whether he or she looked similar. I was much keener that the donor was intelligent in the hope that it would be passed on, but the clinic does not offer that choice.

We then went home and waited – not for long although, of course, it felt like an eternity. A couple of months later, they found a 19-year-old university student with the same colour hair as me, green eyes like both my husband and me, and my height.

At this stage, the treatment is more arduous for the donor than the recipient. The donor had to inject herself or sniff a drug daily to prepare her ovaries, and, when the time comes, have the eggs removed under anaesthetic. I just had to take the contraceptive pill so my cycle was synchronised with hers, and, a few days before treatment, I started using hormone patches. I also had a scan in Britain to check that my uterus was ready for the embryo transfer. Then we flew back to Spain.

The hard part – and it is indescribably hard – is the waiting. Any couple who have been trying to have a baby will know this. Every second, every minute, every hour of the two weeks before you can take the pregnancy test drags by. Every twinge, every mood swing is a sign that it has not worked. We diverted ourselves by travelling to the south of Spain, where we planned to be married on the beach the following year.

But the treatment failed. Five attempts and we were older, poorer and deeply sad. Everything I had planned for my life had always involved having children, and now it looked as if it would never happen. The worst thing was that it was largely because I had left it so late. I am a health correspondent: I knew the statistics. But I did not meet the man I wanted to have children with until I was 39, and, without me knowing, it was already too late.

However, the fact that I am writing this means there is a happy ending. After our wedding, we went back to Barcelona where they had frozen the remaining embryos. The clinic implanted two. It took 15 minutes. We walked back to the hotel in the sunshine wondering if, this time next year, there would be three of us.

We joke now that it must have worked because we had finally married, that deep down we were more traditional than we knew. But who really knows? Maybe I was more relaxed; perhaps the embryos were better quality. Maybe it was the lovely holiday we gave ourselves as a distraction during the following fortnight.

It was not a miracle, though, as some would like to think. It was technology and us and the donor. And now we have Gabriella Grace, who will be one on Tuesday, and who is cute and funny and a constant joy.

There are parents in the UK who have had children by donor egg or sperm and who abhor people like Andrew and me for going abroad. They believe that a donor child has the right – as with someone adopted – to know precisely where they come from. They were the people driving the campaign to remove the right to anonymity.

I would have had no objection to our child knowing the donor. But their campaign did exactly what we had feared and drove down the numbers. I don’t think egg donation is comparable to adoption. This is a random collection of eggs that would have been lost that month if the clinic had not collected them for us. The donor did not go through the pregnancy or the birth. I did.

And, when the time comes, we will tell Gabriella that a kind lady went to a clinic and helped Mummy, who was having trouble getting pregnant.

Article: by Victoria Macdonald www.telegraph.co.uk 11th July 2010

Read more about egg donation and choosing a fertility clinic

Every time you switch on the television you see nappy adverts, everyone you know seems to be revealing they are pregnant, but how do you know whether you are ready to be a parent? The answer is it's such a big life-changing event that the no-one is really prepared for what it entails, but there are some tell-tale signs to suggest that you are willing to swap your high heels for comfy flats, short skirts for elasticated waists and are willing to sacrifice the spareroom for a nursery…

1. You and your partner have discussed buying a kitten Or a dog/rabbit/Guinea pig or all of the above! You obviously have the urge to nurture, feed, cuddle and have some level of responsibility and you are obviously prepared to part with some cash for pet food/vet bills. Is your need for a pet actually hiding your need for a baby? Are you seeing how your partner deals with a pet first before you announce you want a baby, or, are you testing them to see how much poo they end up scooping up in the park, or keeping note of the early morning dog walks your partner offers to do? If you find yourself talking about your pet incessantly, dressing it up, cancelling nights out or rushing home to give your pet a cuddle, it is safe to say you are ready for a baby!

2. You prefer a night in to a night out Yep, it happens to the best of us, the thought of donning our glad rags and going out on the town is far less appealing than settling down on the sofa with an M&S ten-pound meal deal and Desperate Housewives on the TV. Essentially your lifestyle is ready for a baby.

3. You dream of babies If you have dreams of yourself walking along with a babe in arms, or holding a toddler's hands, it's fair to say that you're ready for a baby. Even if your conscious mind is screaming NO, NO BABIES, your sub-conscious mind is already in a baby store loading up the trolley.

4. You stop and admire other people's babies If you find other peoples snotty, whingy babies cute then you are definitely ready for a baby. If you talk naturally to children and volunteer for babysitting your friend's children it's time for you to embrace the fact that you are more than ready for your own.

5. Your spare room looks empty and sad Isn't it time you started shopping for butterfly wallpaper or train bedcovers? Doesn't your spareroom deserve to be more than just a room you pile the clean washing into before you (groan) get around to ironing it?

6. You've already chosen your babies' names And told all your friends so that they don't steal your favourite names… Even without gurgle's babynamer for help - you're ready!

7. You've been around the world and had exotic holidays Once babies arrive you'll be swapping those long haul flights for family campsites in rain drenched Devon, so if you've had lots of foreign holidays already or you've taken a 'year out' to travel, you'll be less likely to resent the fact that having children means you have to cap the luxury!

8. You've already cut down on alcohol/caffeine/smoking Since these are two things that you must either cut out on or cut down on, it's going to be great help to you if you already reduce your consumption of them or if it wouldn't bother you to not have them everyday. If you think it would bother you, talk to your GP who can give you the right advice about cutting down or stopping.

9. You've both 'talked' about having babies If you've had the 'talk' and it didn't end in your partner declaring they never want babies and you in floods of tears, but felt more like a joint decision to have babies soon, then you are both probably ready. Making the decision to try for a baby is always going to be scary - but the good news is, once you do fall pregnant, you've got a whole nine months to prepare yourself, your partner, your mum, your spareroom… for the arrival of your little one!

10.You've sneaked into a baby store and 'pretended' you're buying a present for someone… …But really you're imagining what you'd buy if you had a little baby to dress up and care for. If you found yourself nodding to at least five of the answers above, it's pretty certain that you are ready for a baby.

Article: Gurgle.com 8th July 2010

Read more about getting pregnant and boosting fertility

THE BIG WEEKEND Friday 27 - Monday 30 August 2010
It's just weeks to go until the Manchester Pride 2010 Big Weekend bursts across the city, we're excited to announce the first round of acts set to grace the main stage...Find out who's lined up for your entertainment...

CORONATION STREET JOIN MANCHESTER PRIDE IN WHAT WILL BE THEIR BIGGEST PARADE EVER!
The cast and crew of Corrie will take part in the parade as part of the show’s 50th birthday with a top secret entry called 'Cobbles on Parade'. Manchester Pride are delighted that Corrie are their biggest parade yet!

BIG WEEKEND MAIN STAGE
Each year the main stage brings a fantastic variety of international and local artists to entertain you over all four days of the Big Weekend... The line up includes names such as Belinda Carlisle, Beveley Knight, Heaven 17 and many more....

The Big Weekend is over 70 hours of fun, wild, extravagant partying and you'd be out of your mind to miss it! If you want to get yourself a part of the action, you'll need to make sure you get your hands on a ticket

Weekend Tickets cost £17.50 and Day Tickets £10.00 if purchased before 27 August 2010 and the proceeds go towards helping LGBT community groups and HIV organisations.

THE PARADE
Saturday 28 August from 1pm A carnival atmosphere will fill the streets of Manchester and is set to enthrall the thousands of spectators - young and old, gay and straight, friends and family - who come down to see the glamorous and the outrageously fabulous people who take part! This year the parade starts at 1pm on Saturday 28th August

The theme for 2010 is 'Through the Decades', we can't wait to see the great entries making their way through the streets of the city! Please note - you do not need Big Weekend tickets or wristbands to watch the parade, however you will need them to get into the Big Weekend site in and around Canal Street afterwards!

WHAT IS THE LIFESTYLE EXPO?
The Lifestyle Expo is an undercover outdoor exhibition space designed so the public can find out about community groups, their health, sports clubs, legal advice and much more. There are usually over 50 exhibitors covering a wide range of organisations. The site is hugely popular over the Big Weekend and stands fill up fast.

WHEN DOES THE LIFESTYLE EXPO HAPPEN?
The dates for this year's Big Weekend are the 27-30 August 2010. The Lifestyle Expo will be open on the following days: Saturday 28 August 11am – 8pm Sunday 29 August 11am – 8pm Monday 30 August 11am – 6pm

PRIDE ANGEL
The Pride Angel team will be taking plart in this years Lifestyle Expo and are happy to personally answer any questions you may have, regarding finding a sperm donor or co-parent, home insemination and legal rights.

For more information about parenting options, sperm donation and co-parenting visit www.prideangel.com

New criteria to assess women eligible for IVF treatment may not solve old problems

IVF on NHS for women over 40" ran one front-page headline last week. A casual reader of that and similar articles could have been forgiven for concluding that the rule banning women aged 40 or over from accessing state-funded fertility treatment is being scrapped. It isn't, but it might be.

The National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence (Nice) has recently begun looking at whether its existing guideline on fertility needs to be updated. First issued in 2004, this medical world equivalent of a tablet of stone has always been tinged with controversy. Its main recommendation – that women aged 23 to 39 meeting set medical criteria should get up to three cycles of IVF on the NHS – is widely ignored by the local NHS organisations in England and Wales who are meant to approve it and foot the bill.

Others technically offer the three cycles, but cynically impose deeply unfair access criteria in order to limit those getting it, such as restricting it to only those aged 30-35 or banning any woman who is already a mother or any couple who have even one child between them, including from other relationships. Studies have shown that just 20% to 30% of England's 52 primary care trusts actually follow Nice's guidance. One cycle of IVF costs about £2,000, but many doctors believe it should not be an NHS service at all. Some see childless women as much less deserving than cancer patients seeking life-extending drugs. Others think they should foster or adopt a child to satisfy their desire to experience parenthood.

In an era when rapidly growing numbers of women are giving birth in their 40s, Nice's age limit of 39 strikes many as outdated, heartless and discriminatory – and thus possibly open to legal challenge. The organisation may now replace the existing age-based access to IVF on the NHS with a new system based on a woman's "ovarian reserve"– that is, how many eggs she has left.

Fertility experts are divided on this. Some say the job of deciding which women should receive state-funded IVF will become even more complicated and expensive if ovarian reserve tests become routine. And Dr Gillian Lockwood, a vice-chairman of the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists, adds: "Nice seem to think that the best thing is to spend money on those with the best chance of a pregnancy; there is nothing fair about that at all." But Dr Allan Pacey, a spokesman for the British Fertility Society, argues that such a replacement system would be more just, scientific and likely to produce children. "What ovarian reserve testing does mean is that an unfortunate woman who has suffered an early menopause, say at age 28, might be denied NHS treatment with her own eggs, but a 42-year-old with the ovarian reserve of a 30-year-old be allowed it where currently she might not be. To my mind that seems arguably fairer."

Susan Seenan of Infertility Network UK agrees. "A 41-year-old could have a better ovarian reserve than a 35-year-old, so in some respects it's a better measure of potential success than an arbitrary age cut-off," she says. But any tests would need to be very accurate, to avoid depriving a woman of the chance of a child through a rogue result, Seenan adds. Ovarian reserve testing has come a long way in recent years. "It is now possible to identify those women who will do well at IVF in comparison with those who would do less well, or fail. It gives a better prediction of who might do well at responding to the IVF drugs, rather than relying on age alone," says Pacey.

Much of the coverage last week suggested that many women over 40 would benefit from a switch to ovarian reserve testing. Pacey doubts it. "I'm not sure this will be the case. Depending on where Nice set the cut-off it might actually mean that the effective age limit comes down under 40."

Even if 40-something would-be mothers do start receiving IVF on the NHS, their chances of that leading to a baby are slim. While 28.6% of under-35s undergoing IVF get a child, that drops to 10.6% of those aged 40-42, 4.9% for 43 and 44-year-olds and 0.8% for those over 44. New rights may not banish old problems.

Article: Denis Campbell The Observer, Sunday 4 July 2010

Read more about IVF and home insemination

Expensive UK fertility treatment and long waiting times related to a shortage of egg and sperm donors are the major reasons people seek fertility treatment abroad, according to the first academic study into cross-border reproductive care.

Researchers from De Montfort University (DMU), in collaboration with the universities of Sheffield, Huddersfield and Swansea, interviewed 51 people. They found that 71 per cent of those interviewed went abroad to seek treatment using donor gametes. Out of those, 46 per cent of couples were having treatment using donor eggs, 12 per cent using donor sperm and 10 per cent using donor egg and sperm.

The high cost of treatment in the UK was cited as another reason couples seek treatment abroad; most IVF (in vitro fertilisation) is not funded by the NHS and can cost a minimum of £4,500. The participants were also interviewed about their experiences abroad. The majority of couples were very positive and reported high standards of care.

Lead researcher Professor Lorraine Culley from De Montfort University said the research has: 'helped to dispel some of the myths commonly associated with having fertility treatment abroad'.

'To date, it has often been assumed that women who seek treatment in other countries do so because they are too old to be treated in the UK. It has also been reported that if they become pregnant, they place a burden on the NHS by giving birth to twins or triplets'.

The average age of women having treatment among the participants was 38.9 years old, and only 19 per cent of those who had successful treatment experienced multiple pregnancies, compared with the most recent figure of 23 per cent in the UK.

Professor Culley said the study participants felt they were often misrepresented in the media, and felt that term 'fertility tourism' was 'negative and inaccurate, especially given the considerable effort and emotional upheaval involved when undertaking treatment overseas'.

The study reveals some of the possible consequences of the egg and sperm donor shortage. Tony Rutherford, the chairman of the British Fertility Society (BFS) said: 'the UK sector is making positive moves to combat this shortage'. He said the BFS was working with the Department of Health to promote sperm donor recruitment and improve donor numbers.

Mr Rutherford added: 'the Human Fertilisation and Embryo Authority (HFEA) are reviewing regulation surrounding egg and sperm donation with a report due in early 2011'.

As to the reasons for donor shortages, Professor Culley explained that the issue of the impact of anonymity on donor availability in the UK is complex. A small number of study participants wanted to ensure donor anonymity (and hence needed to travel abroad) and yet others wanted additional donor information than what would be available to them in the UK.

The motivation for the change in the law reducing donor anonymity was the impact on the donor-conceived offspring, but, Professor Culley says: 'we might have to accept that the impact of this could well be to act as a disincentive to those who might otherwise consider altruistic donation'.

Article: Bionews 565 5th July 2010

Read more about choosing a fertility clinic

A gay couple that made legal history when they fathered twins are celebrating the arrival of their fourth and fifth children.

Barrie and Tony Drewitt-Barlow will be joined by more than 150 people at a christening service for five-month-old twins Dallas and Jasper tomorrow.

The millionaire couple, both businessmen in their 40s, said the boys were born to a surrogate mother in California in February, and would be christened at St John the Baptist Church in Danbury

They said surrogate mother Rosalind Bellamy and the egg donor - 'up-and-coming Russian supermodel' Alexandra Cooper-Strash - would be among guests.

Barrie Drewitt-Barlow said he and his partner had 'angered church groups over the years'. But he added: 'It is important for us to have the children all christened.

'As a Christian family we feel that it is important for our children to be given the opportunity to follow the teachings of the church and if they decide when they are older not to, then that is their choice.'

The Drewitt-Barlows, from Danbury, Essex, first hit the headlines in 1999 when they travelled to the U.S. and used donated eggs and a surrogate mother to become fathers to twins Aspen and Saffron, now ten.

Following a ruling by an American court, they became the first British children to be registered as having two fathers and no mother. The couple used the same surrogate mother four years later when they went on to become fathers to Orlando, seven, who will also be christened at the service.

The couple, who live in a Grade II-listed home with their children, became multi-millionaires in 1998 when they sold their successful clinical research company.

But after the birth of their twins they were accused of creating 'designer' children and received death threats.

They fell out with the genetic mother of their children, Tracey McCune, who accused them of raising a bunch of spoilt brats.

She revealed the couple showered their brood with designer goods and told how Saffron wore Chanel No 5 perfume, diamonds and designer clothing.

The couple 'wed' in an extravagant civil ceremony in 2006 but later provoked anger by posting pictures of their children on a gay dating website.

Read more about parenting options and surrogacy

Article 3rd July 2010: www.dailymail.co.uk

Next month, during a rare break from her frenetic career as a violinist, Linzi Stoppard will begin the gruelling preparations required to have her eggs frozen.

Daily hormone injections will shut down her ovaries. Then, further injections will cause what is known as 'hyper-ovulation'. Instead of producing one or two mature follicles - fluid-filled sacs located inside the ovaries - she will produce dozens.

A final injection will be given to mature them. After around four weeks of treatment, Linzi, 31, will be sedated while an embryologist harvests around ten healthy eggs using an ultrasound probe and places them in a tank of liquid nitrogen, stored at -195C until such time as she needs them.

'It's a back-up plan for the future, if we find we struggle to conceive naturally when the time is right,' is the way Linzi and her husband, Will, look at it. If she cannot conceive naturally when the 'right time' comes, she hopes that doctors can use her stored, younger eggs and help her to conceive using IVF.

But when that 'right time' might be is anyone's guess. Linzi has already been married for six years to Will, 37, the son of playwright Sir Tom Stoppard, but having seen her career as an electric violinist with the rock band Fuse suddenly take off, babies are not yet on her agenda.

'I just can't imagine there being a window in the next few years when we could try for a baby,' she says.

If her attitude to motherhood seems somewhat blase, then Linzi's story is far from unusual. According to British fertility experts this week, evidence suggests that growing numbers of women are seeking to put motherhood on ice, either so they can focus on their careers or because they simply haven't yet found Mr Right.

Eight out of ten women interviewed by the NHS-run Leeds Centre for Reproductive Medicine said they would be prepared to fork out the average £4,000 required to pay for the procedure so they could delay starting a family and focus instead on reaching the top of their professions.

While egg freezing for medical reasons such as cancer is funded by the NHS, egg freezing for lifestyle purposes is not. And this week, delegates at the European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology's annual conference heard that growing numbers of women in their 30s and 40s are freezing their eggs to 'take pressure off the search for the right partner'.

Just as the Pill revolutionised the lives of women from the Sixties onwards, human egg cryopreservation could change the face of fertility in Britain today, it is claimed.

Some experts even say that in the next 40 years having eggs frozen could become as commonplace as having a smear test.

Lucy Sutton, 36, a PR consultant from West London, had her eggs frozen in March 2008 at London's private Bridge Fertility Centre, at a cost of £5,000. It costs £110 a year to keep them frozen.

'It wasn't that I picked my career over meeting Mr Right,' she insists. 'He just hasn't shown up yet. I think there are lots of women out there like me. We don't want to settle for second best

During her 20s, Lucy assumed that she could have a baby whenever she wanted. Gradually, as she entered her 30s, it dawned on her that time was running out.

'I think women get fooled by looking at pictures of older celebrities having their first baby. Biologically, your fertility massively declines in your 30s.'

The six-week procedure she underwent was not a pleasant experience; daily injections of ovulation drugs which caused water retention, hot flushes and weight gain; a series of vaginal ultrasound scans and blood tests to monitor the developing eggs. Only then were the eggs harvested under general anaesthetic.

'After the cycle of treatment I felt drained,' she admits. 'It took everything out of me.'

The irony is, of course, that she hopes never to have to use them. She admits: 'I still hope I'll be lucky enough to meet someone and have a child naturally, but this just takes the pressure off meeting someone.'

Since under going the procedure two years ago, she has had a few relationships, but still no one serious enough to consider having children with. But she insists that, thanks to egg freezing, the ticking of her biological clock has quietened.

'I feel really relaxed about my fertility now,' she says.

The origins of cryopreservation in fertility treatment go back to the late Sixties, with experiments on mice.

The first successful pregnancy from a frozen egg occurred in 1986, in Australia. But while the procedure was developed by doctors to help cancer patients and women at risk of an early menopause, more and more women flocking to Britain's 45 registered fertility clinics are doing so for social reasons.

Many are either ageing singletons who haven't yet found a partner, or career women who want to delay motherhood but fear the decline of their fertility.

In reality, of course, egg freezing offers no guarantees to women who want to delay motherhood. The procedure is still relatively new and the UK's first birth from a frozen, thawed egg was less than ten years ago.

According to figures held by independent regulator, The Human Fertility and Embryology Authority (HFEA), around 6,000 eggs have been stored in the UK, from which around 150 embryos have been created.

These embryos resulted in just five live births.

A woman's best chance of having a baby remains in trying to conceive before her 35th birthday.

Read more: Article www.dailymail.co.uk 1st July 2010

Read more about egg donation and IVF